NOT American and sure as NOT Express.

[FlyingKiwi]

OK I run online shops from my web servers. Have done for a few years locally.

Now we have launched an international product so we charge in 2 currencies.

NZ Dollar for New Zealand and US Dollars for everyone else, this keeps it simple.... RIGHT.

We have a local bank (Most Excellent Bank of New Zealand) that allows us to do multi currency transactions online and converts them into NZ Sheep Chips for us.

We have had American Express for a few years, and used it happily for local campers doing their shopping.

We opened it up for our international web site and what went wrong?????

ALL the US Dollar transactions across 24 hours went SPLAT and failed.

Why is this? I asked myself so I called up Am Ex and asked "Why is this".

The nice (just joking) person said....

Oh American Express can only accept transactions in New Zealand Dollars.

"You are ****TING ME" was close to my response.

She replied...

Outside of America Am Ex will only transact the local currencies.

Being confused by the tiniest margin here I casually asked "How can a company with America in the first word NOT accept US Dollars?"

The reply...

We can set you up a SEPERATE Am Ex USD account. Then once a month we will send you a check for the amount of purchases in that month, less expenses.

Like SURE....

Three times what it is costing me at the moment. AND you keep the money earning interest for you for up to 35 days. I am SOOOO glad we all shared your little joke.

Nope, they are serious.

You just got to love some peoples ideas of how to do business with CUSTOMERS.

[STONEREMS]

I use to be a part owner in a Hosting biz.....we had paypal set up and it seemed to work out well with folks outside of the US.

My partner was a PHP guru so he had it seem pretty seamless between our site and paypal.

I never liked American Express......

[FlyingKiwi]

PHP guru

Right there, that is an oxymoron, and down right funny.

Practically Hopeless Programming is UUUGLY.

Leaks like a freakin sieve, and the security is about oh, let me think for 1,000 of a second, ZERO.

It is about as funny as folks that say they are an HTML Guru.

Great, wake me up when you get of of Play School.

And PayPal. ARE YOU JOKING. That place has about as much chance of surviving a hack attack as Dorothy does of hitching another tornado and surviving.

[STONEREMS]

Right there, that is an oxymoron, and down right funny.

Practically Hopeless Programming is UUUGLY.

Leaks like a freakin sieve, and the security is about oh, let me think for 1,000 of a second, ZERO.

It is about as funny as folks that say they are an HTML Guru.

Great, wake me up when you get of of Play School.

And PayPal. ARE YOU JOKING. That place has about as much chance of surviving a hack attack as Dorothy does of hitching another tornado and surviving.

I remeber why I hate Wombats and a like now!

Well, PHP is not the security behind any shopping cart - its simply the vehicle to get you there. But of course you knew that.

The solution to your problem is really simple....drop AE from your merchant account and only accept cards that will convert the curreny for you.

Since when is FH forums part of the 12 steps anyway.....

[MalahatTwo7]

PPPAAAATTTTTWWWWAANNNNNNGGGGGG


THAT, Ladies and Gentlemen would be the proverbial fecal matter striking the rapidly occilating circular object at a high rate impact speed......

[FlyingKiwi]

I remeber why I hate Wombats and a like now!

OK.

Your sure as heck not Express. Soooo you must be.....

Wombat comes from the same land mass that hosts Kangaroos, Convicts, and Flies. Lots and lots of Flies.

Every where else on the atlas that isn't Norte Americana is "That Strange Land"

And yes I know what the solution is. I was just downright staggered at the explanation.

If you want help with the 12 steps let me introduce you to my Brother. He works for the Salvation Army doing drug and alcohol rehab, from assesment right the way through to support after completion.

He spent 10 years running and living in the half way house looking after 10 to 15 guys as they tried to make it back into society. While he worked at the rehab center during the day.

His poetry on the subject has been published, and used internationaly in rehab centers, as well as video / tv.

He spent 4 years getting a university degree in drug / alcohol rehab while doing all of the above.

20 years ago my Brother walked away from alcohol completely wrecked in his mind and body.

20 years later I am PROUD of my Brother.

His name is Russell. He is a man.

Kia Kaha Bro.

[PattyV]

Wombat comes from the same land mass that hosts Kangaroos, Convicts, and Flies. Lots and lots of Flies.

Oi!

True... but still harsh

[SSTONER]

OK.

Your sure as heck not Express. Soooo you must be.....

Well like they say..if have to be something you might as well be........American

His name is Russell.

I was thinking you needed to hit him up for some advise.....maybe post before you hit whatever is your poison of choice.

[FlyingKiwi]

Well like they say

NOPE.

That is what YOU say.

The rest of us miserable cretins what wasn't born in Bruce Springsteins (Go on pick me up for spellink) country do not suffer from pen!s envy AT ALL.

poison of choice

NOPE.

It is my drink of choice, BEER, and I enjoy it.

Am I an alcofrolic? Ask my Brother, he will tell you I am not. DO NOT ask him if I am sane, last time I checked he walked away wetting his pants laughing so hard.

I enjoy Beer a LOT. Sod Off.

hit him up for some advise

NOPE.

Last time someone had mine in a Vise I was about 13 years old, that was 30 years ago chuckles, and it was the LAST time they have ever been there.

PS. Before posting this I have enjoyed 6 standard (330ml) cans across 3 hours.

If you want to p!ssing contest, come on down. Make sure you can nail 18 440 ml cans of 5% content over 8 hours and we WILL make a night of it.

As long as you can stand up and walk to bed all by yourself without making a mess. I will wake you up for 10 hours fishing on the sea with us in the morning.

GOOD Grief. What a bunch of sanctimonious bollocks.

[SSTONER]

NOPE.

That is what YOU say.

The rest of us miserable cretins what wasn't born in Bruce Springsteins (Go on pick me up for spellink) country do not suffer from pen!s envy AT ALL.

Penis Envy? My Kiwi arent we paranoid.

NOPE.

It is my drink of choice, BEER, and I enjoy it.

Am I an alcofrolic? Ask my Brother, he will tell you I am not. DO NOT ask him if I am sane, last time I checked he walked away wetting his pants laughing so hard.

I enjoy Beer a LOT. Sod Off.





NOPE.

Ack..of course it wasnt enough....thats usually the beer talking cowboy!

Last time someone had mine in a Vise I was about 13 years old, that was 30 years ago chuckles, and it was the LAST time they have ever been there.

PS. Before posting this I have enjoyed 6 standard (330ml) cans across 3 hours.

If you want to p!ssing contest, come on down. Make sure you can nail 18 440 ml cans of 5% content over 8 hours and we WILL make a night of it.

As long as you can stand up and walk to bed all by yourself without making a mess. I will wake you up for 10 hours fishing on the sea with us in the morning.

GOOD Grief. What a bunch of sanctimonious bollocks.

A night? Thats all you blokes got? I worked on a reservation here in Az when i was in my early 20's (a long time ago)and I partied with folks who did 2 straight days minumin.


Come on down and we can party all night at my place...we will kick up the bon fire here at the ranch, drink some beer, shoot some JD, eat some good mexican food and howl at the moon.

Then in the morning we will get you a horse and put you to work.....Fishing....I wish.

[MalahatTwo7]

I was going to stay out of Kiwi's Playground, he seems to be having fun... however....

I worked on a reservation here in Az when i was in my early 20's (a long time ago)and I partied with folks who did 2 straight days minumin.

Around the part of the world I came from, thats not much of a claim for a 20Something, because I think we all (those who chose) could and DID do that. And for some, maybe even more than just two days. I would say I can "recall" a week, one summer.... but memory is fuzzy on that account. Wonder why?

[doughesson]

I don't know if this tops that or even equals it but in Oct 1985,I and some Navy friends were on liberty and had made it from Monaco to Nice,France for a wetting down party.For those who were never in the Navy,that's a promotion party,usually hosted and paid for by the newly promoted sailor.
We had had an enjoyable evening of dinner and drinks,lots of drinks,and were going to pay when the maitre'D informed us en echelon, that"American Express traveler's checks are not honored in France",.He then pretended not to understand English,though he had been all evening nor,suddenly,could he understand our French speaker from Louisiana who had translated for us all evening to the delight of the serving staff.
When we persisted in trying to use American Express to pay,he threatened to call the gendarmes,which resulted in our offering to wreck the place.Not a good idea.
After everyone was subdued to the police's satisfaction and the deal got sorted out,the local cops found out who we were(the host ship for an inaugural sailing yacht race) why we had been singled out and made the bustard take the traveler's checks unless HE wanted to be in trouble.
Not everyone takes them,even though Karl Malden spent years telling us they did.

[ChicagoFF]

Cool, a nerd fight!

[FlyingKiwi]

Beats the pants off arguing about 3/4 length or bunker.

[MalahatTwo7]

Beats the pants off arguing about 3/4 length or bunker.

Yee-uuup. Shor 'nuff duz. So Kiwi, tell us: how do you wear your 3/4's?