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  • Americans With No Abilities Act

    Got this in an email.


    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT - CONGRESSIONAL ACT 2006

    WASHINGTON , DC (AP) - Congress is considering sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislation by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing."

    The President pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.

    Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%) The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)

    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

    Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in middle positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNA ACT contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which relate to this job?"

    "As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be."

  • #2
    Said Senator Ted Kennedy, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and also find a place for all illegal aliens no matter how useless they may be."
    So... ummm how does this fare against the earlier thread, and Teddy R's statements? Or maybe I am just missing something in the English translation?
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

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    • #3
      Well, the scary thing is I don't know if this is real or a joke. I hope this is a joke....

      Comment


      • #4
        While anything is possible, I'm pretty sure that its a joke.
        Tom Warshaw
        Station 13 (Bethel)
        Sumter Fire Department

        "Scientists believe that the world is composed mainly of hydrogen because in their opinion, it is the most abundant element. I however, feel the earth is composed mainly of stupidity, because it is more abundant than hydrogen." - Frank Zappa

        September 11, 2001. We Must Never Forget.

        In memory of Thomas Sabella, L-13, FDNY


        All opinions stated are my own and do not reflect the opinions of my department or any organization I may belong to.

        Comment


        • #5
          The article fails to mention that Government is currently the top employer of the Inept. This Act will improve on that by creation 200 more Congressional Positions.
          So you call this your free country
          Tell me why it costs so much to live
          -3dd

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          • #6
            http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/noabilities.asp

            BTW, they're not even in session until after Election Day...
            "When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for my having been there."
            -- Jim Henson (1936 - 1990)

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            • #7
              i don't know if this is real or just a joke either.... i just got it and thought i would pass it along.

              Comment


              • #8
                i dont really know if this is real or a joke... just thought i would pass this along...

                Comment


                • #9
                  I can see the need for this bill. Have you ever gone to a fast food place and have an order that is $5.39 and given the kid a 10 dollar bill and 39 cents in change. The look on the kids face is fear and you probablly get a five and change for a one back. Now that is fun.
                  Vintage Firefighter: The older I get, the braver I was.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Well.......

                    Originally posted by xtremefire455
                    i dont really know if this is real or a joke... just thought i would pass this along...

                    The Sad Part is the amount of folks out there who wouldn't know the difference if it showed up in the News.
                    Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
                    In memory of
                    Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
                    Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

                    IACOJ Budget Analyst

                    I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

                    www.gdvfd18.com

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      THough it is plainly funny and not true, just shows that Ted Kennedy really is freaking moron.
                      "Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like." Will Rogers

                      The borrower is slave to the lender. Proverbs 22:7 - Debt free since 10/5/2009.

                      "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session." - New York Judge Gideon Tucker

                      "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government." - Dave Barry

                      www.daveramsey.com www.clarkhoward.com www.heritage.org

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by DaSharkie
                        THough it is plainly funny and not true, just shows that Ted Kennedy really is freaking moron.
                        Truer words were never posted.
                        Tom Warshaw
                        Station 13 (Bethel)
                        Sumter Fire Department

                        "Scientists believe that the world is composed mainly of hydrogen because in their opinion, it is the most abundant element. I however, feel the earth is composed mainly of stupidity, because it is more abundant than hydrogen." - Frank Zappa

                        September 11, 2001. We Must Never Forget.

                        In memory of Thomas Sabella, L-13, FDNY


                        All opinions stated are my own and do not reflect the opinions of my department or any organization I may belong to.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hey! I resemble that remark
                          I am a highly trained professional and can find my :: expletive deleted:: with either hand in various light conditions.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Yeahhhh.......

                            Originally posted by DaSharkie
                            THough it is plainly funny and not true, just shows that Ted Kennedy really is freaking moron.

                            Motion by Bro. Sharkie, Seconded by Bro. Woods, Any discussion??
                            Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
                            In memory of
                            Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
                            Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

                            IACOJ Budget Analyst

                            I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

                            www.gdvfd18.com

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by xtremefire455
                              The DMV also has a great record of hiring Persons of Inability. (63%)
                              I would have figured the DMV would have gotten a much higher rating, say somewhere around 110%.
                              Fir Na Tine
                              Fir Na Au Saol

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