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  • Love Hurts?

    Ok my new girlfriend. We like each other, she has a 2 month old baby. We been out together allready. She lives with her parents since she had her baby, and I live with mine. She was married to the babies father. Her parents dont think she needs a relationship they gave her an ultamatum last night either she dont have a realtionship or she moves out then she can do what ever she wants. There is just somethnig about this girl that I just cant let go. Its sad we both cried over this ordeal. I told her I couldnt let her go I think we could have a good future together. She thinks the same but she dont know if she wants to move out cuase financially she isnt, but mentally she is. Im not sure what to do to get her parents to accept me. What is there I can say to help out I dont want to let this one go. Thanks Please help me figure this out I dont know what I would do without her. It was just an instant attachment to her. Thanks
    Ryan

    I.A.C.O.J. Probie

    You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

    Lets not forget those lost on 9-11-01

  • #2
    I'd find out if the parents don't like you or just don't like the possibility of someone hurting their daughter again. If they don't like you than you need to earn their trust, nothing their daughter says will convince them otherwise. If they don't like the situation than the only thing that can change that is the both of you showing them that you mean it. Both of these will take time to accomplish.

    Good Luck.
    Another Ryan
    NREMT-P\ Reserve Volunteer Firefighter\Reserve Police Officer
    IACOJ Attack

    Experts built the Titanic, amateurs built the Ark.

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    • #3
      Ryan, several things jumped out at me from your first post:

      Originally posted by backdraft663
      Ok my new girlfriend... she has a 2 month old baby... She was married to the babies father.
      now, i may be off, but your 18 or 19 (if that old), and your g/f is a divorced mother of a two month old? I would back away.

      kids will always take precendence in their mom's life. your young, wait a few years until you take up the reigns of fatherhood.
      Last edited by drparasite; 08-16-2006, 03:08 PM. Reason: There is a reason why one doesn't post at 2am..... you misread certain details....
      If my basic HazMat training has taught me nothing else, it's that if you see a glowing green monkey running away from something, follow that monkey!

      FF/EMT/DBP

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by backdraft663
        Ok my new girlfriend. We like each other... I dont know what I would do without her. It was just an instant attachment to her.
        Ryan, she's "new" and you "like" each other and had an "instant attachment"... Sorry, doesn't sound to me like something to run your life around right now.

        If her parents have rules while she's in their house, so be it. They can do that, they are taking care of her. As for what you'll do without her, try doing what you did without her before. When she gets her life together enough to get out of her parent's house, I'm sure she'll love to go out with you again.

        You sound very young and sweet. It must hurt. But you'll be fine.
        -------;- "Aaaaa!!"
        Remember - always wear your helmet around one-eyed women with pike poles

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        • #5
          Originally posted by backdraft663
          Ok my new girlfriend. We like each other, she has a 2 month old baby. We been out together allready. She lives with her parents since she had her baby, and I live with mine. She was married to the babies father. Her parents dont think she needs a relationship they gave her an ultamatum last night either she dont have a realtionship or she moves out then she can do what ever she wants. There is just somethnig about this girl that I just cant let go. Its sad we both cried over this ordeal. I told her I couldnt let her go I think we could have a good future together. She thinks the same but she dont know if she wants to move out cuase financially she isnt, but mentally she is. Im not sure what to do to get her parents to accept me. What is there I can say to help out I dont want to let this one go. Thanks Please help me figure this out I dont know what I would do without her. It was just an instant attachment to her. Thanks
          First, how long have you been dating? Second, can you afford to take care of both of them? Third, you need to be patient. The little bundle of joy is what is important. Start by showing responsibity in taking care of the child and her NOW. Ask what "they" need. You don't have to be her boyfriend right now. You can be her bestfriend. If in time you still want to be together, I am sure the parents will see you are stable enough to provide and will give their blessing.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by DrParasite
            Ryan, several things jumped out at me from your first post:

            now, i may be off, but your 18 or 19 (if that old), and your g/f is a divorced mother of a two year old? I would back away.

            kids will always take precendence in their mom's life. your young, wait a few years until you take up the reigns of fatherhood.


            Hey Doc, the original post said 2 months old. Methinks there is some that isn't being told...


            As far as getting the parents consent. I would suggest trying to paticipate with the parents some, independent of the "girlfriend". Help out the dad working on his vehicle, or stuff around the house. Be part of the family, not jsut a "boyfriend".

            ** just read Firetruckred's response, and I agree quite a bit!!!
            Last edited by pvfire424; 08-16-2006, 01:20 PM.
            I.A.C.O.J. "The Cork"

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            • #7
              Originally posted by DrParasite
              I would back away.
              Back away, walk away, run away!!! Run Forest, RUN!!

              Under 20 and you want an instant family? *cuff to the head*

              Comment


              • #8
                Yup, very fast with the feet chuckles.

                Start thinking with the upper head for a change. She has a 2 month old baby, and my guess is you have been going out on dates with her.

                Who does that leave at home literally "holding the baby"? And you wonder why they are p!ssed with her and you?

                And they are correct, if she wants to date and have a boyfriend as well as the baby, it is way time she was on her own in her own place.
                Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
                Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

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                • #9
                  I understand what you are all saying. But Im not leaving her. We are working through this ordeal. I had a talk with her father about this and we both had an agreement. His only concern really was the fact she is having problems with the Babies father and he dont see a problem with me dating her AFTER the problems with the ex are all behind her. I understand his problem and respect that. I told him I would like to earn his respect and all. So its really not me thats causeing the problem its her Ex. So right now we are going to stay the way it is but not get serious. I will help her and the baby out when needed. So once everything with the ex is done everything will be back to normal.
                  Ryan

                  I.A.C.O.J. Probie

                  You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

                  Lets not forget those lost on 9-11-01

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by backdraft663
                    I understand what you are all saying. But Im not leaving her... I will help her and the baby out when needed. So once everything with the ex is done everything will be back to normal.
                    one thing is very clear in this comment of yours:

                    1) your staying with her, regardless of the fact that everyone here says it's a bad idea. I still think it's a bad idea, and I don't think you should (becaue of the kid), nothing to do with the girl herself or her parents. your 18, and having a kid to deal with (especially one that isn't yours) can ruin your childhood

                    but it's your choice, and while I disagree with your plan of action (because of the kid, not the girl), I will wish you good luck with it.
                    If my basic HazMat training has taught me nothing else, it's that if you see a glowing green monkey running away from something, follow that monkey!

                    FF/EMT/DBP

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by backdraft663
                      I understand what you are all saying. But Im not leaving her. We are working through this ordeal. I had a talk with her father about this and we both had an agreement. His only concern really was the fact she is having problems with the Babies father and he dont see a problem with me dating her AFTER the problems with the ex are all behind her. I understand his problem and respect that. I told him I would like to earn his respect and all. So its really not me thats causeing the problem its her Ex. So right now we are going to stay the way it is but not get serious. I will help her and the baby out when needed. So once everything with the ex is done everything will be back to normal.
                      I hate to tell you this but it is the truth. Unless the ex dies or walks away, and even then, he will always be apart of things. He is the biological father. He may not ever play a role of a father but he will always have ties. That is something else you take on. It is a noble thing you are doing and I for one commend you. Good for her and the little bundle. Another word of advice. Help even when it isn't "needed".

                      Don't listen to the negativity.Your a stand up guy, she is fortunate.

                      This forum is not the place to get softhearted advice.
                      Last edited by firetruckred; 08-16-2006, 08:17 PM.

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                      • #12
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                        ------GOD BLESS AMERICA ! ------

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                        • #13
                          Kid, you're probably not going to want to hear this, but don't discount the possibility that you're being played for a chump to make the ex jealous for the purpose of either winning him back or if nothing else just to bust his chops...hate to admit it, but I've been there and done that, to use a tired cliche.

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                          • #14
                            Cool.......

                            Great to read that all is gonna be good for the two of you. Always remember that it takes a big man to accept the resposibility of another man..... I commend you for being willin' to accept her child.
                            Being in a simular scenario..... I have a son with my ex-wife; I have learned that the hardest challenge won't be between your possible girlfriend and yourself but having to put up with and support your girlfriend when the ex is being difficult...... They typically don' t care how they treat the other person and forget to be civil for the baby........
                            We made it, and I am sure that with both of you working to make it work you will be fine.
                            A lil' word of encouragement though, don' t talk negative about the ex around the kid...... remember, when they get older they become lil' parrots. Plus the positivity that you show your girlfriend and her kid will grow and before you know it will effect other areas of your life, like your job........
                            "Be LOUD, Be PROUD..... It just might save your can someday when goin' through an intersection!!!!!"

                            Life on the Truck (Quint) is good.....

                            Eat til you're sleepy..... Sleep til you're hungry..... And repeat.....

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by BFDNJFF
                              I second that!
                              Do it because you love it, not because you love being seen doing it.

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