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  • Language Of Love

    Language of Love

    Taylor McKinnon, Special to Times Colonist Published: Thursday, August 10, 2006

    It's a given that we girls have a language of our own. We speak it all the time, we infuse it into our daily banter, we squabble in it while heading to the restroom in flocks. When it comes to decoding this language, obviously there are the old classics.

    - I don't care. Meaning, don't even think about it.

    - Do I look fat in these pants? Meaning, tell me I actually look as if I've lost weight.

    - Do you find her attractive? Meaning, If you know what's good for you, you'll direct your eyes away from her, and onto me ASAP.

    These are the universally understood phrases, the equivalent of foreign words such as "couture" or "margarita." However, times are a-changin'. Uber-serious encyclopedias and dictionaries have recently been updated to include "Bling-Bling" (definition: gaudy jewelry). Even the still-unwritten dictionary of girl-speak is in need of a serious update. Some much-needed additions are as follows. Think you've got it down, fellas? No, no. You're just beginning.

    On a date . . .

    "Why don't you give me a call when you're outside my house?"

    Definition: I've either got a really weird family, or I'm too nervous to introduce you yet. In most cases, nervousness means the whole thing matters to me. Usually a good sign.

    "What are you ordering?"

    Definition: I'm waiting to see what you choose before I order. I'm going to try to shoot around the same price range. I'm on my best behaviour here.

    "I'll have a burger and fries."

    Definition: I actually want the Thai noodle salad, but I'm trying to show you that I'm the kind of girl who orders a burger and fries. Take notice.

    "I'll have a salad, dressing on the side."

    Definition: If you stick around for about a month, you'll get to hear me complain about a different jiggly part of my body for each day of the week!

    "I'll have the garlic chicken, please."

    Definition: You're not getting a kiss. You're not even going to get close enough to smell my breath. Might as well throw all caution to the wind.

    "Want a bite?"

    Definition: I'm trying to act cute and couple-y. I'm possibly having visuals of that spaghetti scene from Lady and the Tramp. Never refuse an offered bite, even if you're dangerously allergic.

    "Why don't we split the bill?"

    Definition: I read in a book somewhere that this was a great way to send you a friends-only vibe.

    "No, I'll pay, too! Are you sure?!" (various other feeble attempts.)

    Definition: I've already put my wallet away. You're expected to refuse my offers. If I let you pay, it's a good sign.

    "I'm actually pretty tired."

    Definition: I'm done with the evening. Don't try to drag it out.

    At a party . . .

    "Let me get your number instead!"

    Definition: You're not getting a call.

    "Let me give you my e-mail instead."

    Definition: I'm scoping you out online a bit before I hand over my digits. Handy Hint: Try not to throw down too many "rofl's," "lmao's" or emoticons.

    "Julie! Come over here and dance with us!"

    Definition: Don't get too excited. In a few seconds, I'm going to pass you off to her and casually cha-cha my way out of sight.

    "Who'd you come with?"

    Definition: I'm giving your crew the once-over.

    "I love this song."

    Definition: Spontaneously grab me to dance.

    "Just heading to the washroom, be right back!"

    Definition: One of my all-time favourites -- I've thrown it down on more than one occasion, to say the least. Usually means I'm ditching you. It can, however, on occasion mean that I am so into you that I've actually gone to check/redo my makeup in the mirror.

    Generally, you can catch the vibe and figure out which one it is. Sorry guys, I've got to leave the females out there with a shred of mystery intact.

    "It's so loud out here!"

    Definition: Green light. Your response: "Why don't we find someplace quieter?"

    On friends and family . . .

    "My parents are a little protective."

    Definition: My Dad has already Googled you and might be waiting with a shotgun at the front door. Just a friendly heads-up.

    "I've always been really close to my Dad."

    Definition: See above.

    "I've got three brothers."

    Definition: There's nothing disgusting your friends can do that I haven't seen before.

    "My family's pretty big and crazy."

    Definition: If I like you, pretty soon you'll be tested to see if you can take them.

    "She's my best friend in the whole world."

    Definition: You're gonna have to get her nod of approval. Start working, boy.

    "He's my closest guy-friend."

    Definition: Take note of his jokes/manners/the way he treats me.

    "My friend/parents/great-aunt really liked you the other day."

    Definition: I really like you.

    General conversation . . .

    "My birthday's coming up."

    Definition: No matter how casually I drop it into the conversation, you're officially on the list of People Expected to Acknowledge It.

    "You're a really sweet guy."

    Definition: Get ready to start walking. "Sweet," despite its official meaning, is usually a double-edged sword. This sentence is almost inevitably followed by The But.

    "It was a pretty messy breakup, but I'm over it."

    Definition: I'm not over it. If I were, I wouldn't be talking about it right now.

    One last note, guys: Remember never to quote/refer to any of these "true definitions" when a girl throws you one of these lines. It's so not cool to admit that you have been poring over a girl-talk dictionary in your spare time.

    On that note, though, I'm off to the bathroom -- be right back!

    Taylor McKinnon, 17, graduated from a Victoria high school in June.

    © Times Colonist (Victoria) 2006


    Not really sure how many times I've hear the "...sweet guy..." phrase. Too often I think....
    If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

    "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

    "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

    Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

    impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

    IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

  • #2
    and after the wedding

    And this is why after the knot is tied things fall apart. If the communications was straight forward maybe divorce rates would not be so high. I don't read minds and I don't have a crystal ball so if you can't say it straight forward then don't look at me as if I was from outerspace. And please, don't expect me to change my ways and habits because you think I will after we are married because you believe you can get me too. Oh, wait, I'm already in a 37 year rut.

    Comment


    • #3
      And now for the Male Definiton according to Bou.

      "Do you?"

      Definition.
      Work it out yourself.
      Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
      Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

      Comment


      • #4
        Kiwi you kill me....ROTFL

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by MalahatTwo7
          Not really sure how many times I've hear the "...sweet guy..." phrase. Too often I think....
          You too? I cringe every time I hear that line...
          The comments made by me are my opinions only, not of the Fire and EMS services I am affiliated with.

          I have lost my mind..has anyone seen it? it's not worth much..but it's mine

          Comment


          • #6
            I just take a deep breath, nod, smile and say "Thanks". Then head off to the bar and drown it all out with a dozen or two pints of Guinness. Which of course was why I was in the Pub in the first place.

            "I'm just here for the beer. What's your excuse?"
            If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

            "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

            "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

            Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

            impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

            IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

            Comment


            • #7
              I have never gotten the 'sweet guy' line in my life.
              Of course thats because i am one of those men that women either love or hate.

              *Edit:* I have used a similar line on a girl that i didnt want to date.
              "There are only two things that i know are infinite, the universe and human stupidity. And im not so sure about the former."

              For all the life of me, i cant see a firefighter going to hell. At least not for very long. We would end up putting out all the fires and annoying the devil too much.

              Comment


              • #8
                Guys are just as guilty as women for not being up front and communicating clearly. Works both ways.
                To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.

                IACOJ-WOT proud

                GO WHITE SOX!!!!!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Right On Well Spoken Us Women Can Be Gulity For Not Communicating Clearly And It Dose Work Both Ways.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    So saying "nice shoes, wanna ****?" doesn't work anymore?
                    Jason Knecht
                    Firefighter/EMT
                    Township Fire Dept., Inc.
                    Eau Claire, WI

                    IACOJ - Director of Cheese and Whine
                    http://www.cheddarvision.tv/
                    EAT CHEESE OR DIE!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by LeuitEFDems
                      You too? I cringe every time I hear that line...

                      WOW! Is this some universally acknowledged dictionary or what???? Is there a NIMS class for this?
                      ------------------------------------
                      These opinions are mine and do not reflect the opinions of any organizations I am affiliated with.
                      ------------------------------------

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Dickey
                        So saying "nice shoes, wanna ****?" doesn't work anymore?
                        It worked for one of my buddies once. That's all he said and away they went!

                        Gee I thought the language of love was $$$$$

                        I've heard the nice guy line too many times and that is an instant signal to bail unless you want to be friends.

                        I was once on a blind date that was so bad I had to use all of the lines they say not to use just to get out of it I think it lasted 20 minutes. When I met her I realized that she had lied about a lot of stuff before we met. I guess I should just be glad that she wasn't a guy
                        Tom

                        Never Forget 9-11-2001

                        Stay safe out there!

                        IACOJ Member

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