Thread killer

[MalahatTwo7]

PERSPECTIVE:

Perspective is everything. To a worm, digging in hard ground is more relaxing that going fishing.

And that, Boyz 'n Girlz is your Philosophical Thought Of The Day.

[rhvfd1214]

That worm better know how to dig fast!

[MalahatTwo7]

Hey rhv, thems is pertty nice shoes ya got on there. Only thing is, ain't they just a wee bit on the long side? Makes that there fish look bigger than it really is!

[MalahatTwo7]

Conversation overheard in the hallway, between a LtCol of Public Affairs, one of the Admin Assistants and another (DFAIT) Dept Foreign Affairs officer (civilian). I dont know the content of the conversation, other than the last few sentences, whereupon I said something smartazz like:

"That sounds like I need to get a backhoe. Its getting kinda deepin here ."

The Col chuckled, the AA laughed.

The DFAIT guy looked at me and said "You entered into something without having an effective escape plan."

[FlyingKiwi]

Hillbilly Professional Engineering Exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A. ' 66 Ford Fairlane
B. ' 69 Chevrolet Chevelle
C. ' 64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs, hogs, or chickens will be killed?

7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?

For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

My cunning plan is to get this merged with the other merged joke threads.

[ehs7554]

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

[rhvfd1214]

Hmmm. Methinks my recent picture post does look a bit fishy.. Perhaps I should submit another one. These are strictly for helping me survive the cold winter in hopes of tangling with another one of similar size..

[hwoods]

Hmmm.................

Hmmm. Methinks my recent picture post does look a bit fishy.. Perhaps I should submit another one. These are strictly for helping me survive the cold winter in hopes of tangling with another one of similar size..

So THAT is where the contents of my Bait Tank went. Now the darned Redneck is trying to pass them off as Fish.....................

[hwoods]

Well..............

THIS is a FISH. Not those little green things...........

(Obligatory Disclaimer - I am neither the Angler, nor the fish, in the photo.)

[rhvfd1214]

On the technical side, how do I resize my images to fall within the size limits of the Forums? I have a few images from my digital camera, but they are beyond the memory allowed for pictures on the forums. That is why most of what I have posted are from my cell phone's camera.

[MalahatTwo7]

"Fishing" of a different variety:

Error Sends Government Callers To Sex Service

POSTED: 9:36 am EST January 22, 2008
UPDATED: 10:05 am EST January 22, 2008

CALVERT, Md. -- A Cecil County man who phoned the governor's office with an opinion about the mortgage foreclosure debate realized he wasn't talking to a secretary when the woman who answered greeted him with a "Hi, sexy."

Pete Pritchard of Calvert discovered the number for the governor's office is misprinted in the latest edition of the Armstrong Telephone Co. phone book. The printed number connects with a phone sex service.

The previous edition had the same mistake. Pritchard wonders if he's the first person in two years who ever called the governor's office by using that directory.

An Armstrong executive said the directory information comes from a third-party source not controlled by the company. He said the error will be addressed in a message included with February bills.

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press.

[hwoods]

Yep................

Idiots Abound. "Armstrong Telephone Co"?? The REAL Phone Book is put out by Verizon. ANYTHING else claiming to be a Phone book, in Maryland anyway, isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

[firemonkey311]

Thats funny right there i dont care who ya are!!

[rhvfd1214]

..... the darned Redneck

I'm not a redneck. I've been wearing a shirt with collar!

The ladies think my shirt-arm tan lines is sexy.. It matches my chest hair.

[rhvfd1214]

I hope that last picture doesn't violate any forum guidelines. If I get banned, just know that I firmly stand for what I believe in... What-ever that may be..

Hey, a Little Debbie oatmeal creme pie!! Yum!