I found this on a website and thought, what would the finishing (or editing) be like if it were (re)written by firefighters.
Dear Hero,
I saw you yesterday as you searched for those two children in the dark, smoke infested hallway. The smoke had brought you to your knees to contine into the search. Your partner following closely behind as your five minute search turned into ten. Pleading in your mind to find these children.
A piece of the ceiling fell in front, adding more precious minutes to the search as you climbed over. The heat was building up and already you could feel the leather on your helmet beginning to bubble.
Your hands were your searching tools and your mind enclosed in a blank mascarade. Every bump on the floor and every bit of furniture you thoroughly inspected; hoping you hadn't missed anything.
Smoothing the area with your hand, another bump, this time a child's leg. Gently gathering up the child in your arms, you took your mask off to give a fresh breath of oxygen. Your partner doing the same for the second child. The search was now beginning to find a window to quickly pass the children out of this smoky atmosphere.
Quckily, running to the side of the room where the square sign of light was pouring through, the mini blinds were melted, revealing bars attached on the outside. You turned to see your partner who's expression was near the same as yours. All the windows had the bars, the only way out was where you came in.
While heading down the stairs, following after your partner, you picked up the radio to explain the unfolding situation. The seconds were ticking of how long the building would hold and how much air was left. A startling sound rang through the air as you looked to your partner, the bell that signaled less than a minute of air.
Dear Hero,
I saw you yesterday as you searched for those two children in the dark, smoke infested hallway. The smoke had brought you to your knees to contine into the search. Your partner following closely behind as your five minute search turned into ten. Pleading in your mind to find these children.
A piece of the ceiling fell in front, adding more precious minutes to the search as you climbed over. The heat was building up and already you could feel the leather on your helmet beginning to bubble.
Your hands were your searching tools and your mind enclosed in a blank mascarade. Every bump on the floor and every bit of furniture you thoroughly inspected; hoping you hadn't missed anything.
Smoothing the area with your hand, another bump, this time a child's leg. Gently gathering up the child in your arms, you took your mask off to give a fresh breath of oxygen. Your partner doing the same for the second child. The search was now beginning to find a window to quickly pass the children out of this smoky atmosphere.
Quckily, running to the side of the room where the square sign of light was pouring through, the mini blinds were melted, revealing bars attached on the outside. You turned to see your partner who's expression was near the same as yours. All the windows had the bars, the only way out was where you came in.
While heading down the stairs, following after your partner, you picked up the radio to explain the unfolding situation. The seconds were ticking of how long the building would hold and how much air was left. A startling sound rang through the air as you looked to your partner, the bell that signaled less than a minute of air.
Comment