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    Anybody have any good jokes they wanna share?

  • #2
    Must of heard of this one

    Got a good political joke---- Helen Clarke -prime minister of New Zealand
    "If you thought it was hard getting into the job--wait until you have to hang the "fire gear"up and walk away!"
    Harry Lauder 1981.Me on the left!

    Comment


    • #3
      There was a huge fire in the city at a soda factory. The city companies were losing ground and the owner was frantic. He told the Chief that he needed a secret formula in the safe that was in the center of the blaze, and he would give 10,000 dollars to the Company that got the formula.
      An hour later no ground was gained and a 5th alarm was put out. When the 5th alarm couldn't subdue the blaze the owner saw this he raised the reward to 100,000 dollars. Suddenly Engine 40 drove their rig right into the fire and emerged 10 minutes later with the formula.

      When asked what they would do with the money the Captain said, "Get them damn brakes fixed."
      ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
      NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
      343
      CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
      LT. John Ginley Engine 40
      FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
      FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
      FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
      FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
      FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
      FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
      FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
      FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
      FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

      Charleston 9
      "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
      *******************CLICK HERE*****************

      Comment


      • #4
        about anything or just fire jokes?
        I havent failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.

        - Thomas Edison

        Comment


        • #5
          Quote of the Day
          Don't smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much, or work too much. We are all on the road to the grave -- but there is no reason to be in the passing lane. -- Robert Orben

          Quote of the Day
          If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. -- Albert Einstein

          Quote of the Day
          My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. -- Erma Bombeck

          All courtesy of: joke-of-the-day [[email protected]]
          If you don't do it RIGHT today, when will you have time to do it over? (Hall of Fame basketball player/coach John Wooden)

          "I may be slow, but my work is poor." Chief Dave Balding, MVFD

          "Its not Rocket Science. Just use a LITTLE imagination." (Me)

          Get it up. Get it on. Get it done!

          impossible solved cotidie. miracles postulo viginti - quattuor hora animadverto

          IACOJ member: Cheers, Play safe y'all.

          Comment


          • #6
            Attaining above 100%

            Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
            We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

            How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

            What makes life 100% if:
            A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
            is represented as:
            1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

            Then:
            H A R D W O R K
            8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

            K N O W L E D G E
            11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

            But,
            A T T I T U D E
            1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
            And,
            B U L L S H ! T
            2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

            So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you over the top.

            And look how far
            A S S K I S S I N G
            1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%
            will take you!

            What more do I need to say? You don't even need to be a mathematician now if we can just figure out when to use which!!!!!!!!
            Last edited by E40FDNYL35; 08-31-2003, 10:36 AM.
            ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
            NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
            343
            CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
            LT. John Ginley Engine 40
            FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
            FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
            FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
            FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
            FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
            FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
            FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
            FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
            FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

            Charleston 9
            "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
            *******************CLICK HERE*****************

            Comment


            • #7
              LMAO!!
              I havent failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work.

              - Thomas Edison

              Comment


              • #8
                Three men went hunting with their dogs, a doctor, a lawyer, and a fireman. All were bragging that their dog was trained just like themselves. The doctor shot the first duck, after which the doctors dog shaved the duck, removed the bullet, and bandaged the duck in an attempt to save it's life. The lawyer went next, and after he shot a duck, his dog notified the next of kin and divided all of the duck's assets. The fireman shot the third duck, and his dog ate all three ducks, screwed the other two dogs, and took four days off.
                ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
                NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
                343
                CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
                LT. John Ginley Engine 40
                FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
                FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
                FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
                FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
                FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
                FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
                FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
                FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
                FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

                Charleston 9
                "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
                *******************CLICK HERE*****************

                Comment


                • #9
                  Construction Worker

                  A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a
                  construction crew turned up to build a house on the lot. The family's
                  six-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door. She hung around and eventually the construction workers adopted her as a kind of mascot. They chatted with her and gave her little jobs to do and at the end of the week presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. She took this home to her mother, who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take it to the bank the next morning to deposit it in her account. When they went to the bank, the teller was equally impressed, and asked the little girl how she had come by her earnings.
                  "I've been building a house this week," she replied proudly.
                  Goodness!" said the teller. "And will you be building a house next week, too?"
                  "Yes," answered the little girl. "If we ever get the f###ing bricks!"
                  ~Kevin
                  Firefighter/Paramedic
                  --^v--^v--^v--^v--
                  Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
                  Dennis Miller

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    ALL GAVE SOME BUT SOME GAVE ALL
                    NEVER FORGET 9-11-01
                    343
                    CAPT. Frank Callahan Ladder 35 *
                    LT. John Ginley Engine 40
                    FF. Bruce Gary Engine 40
                    FF. Jimmy Giberson Ladder 35
                    FF. Michael Otten Ladder 35 *
                    FF. Steve Mercado Engine 40 *
                    FF. Kevin Bracken Engine 40 *
                    FF. Vincent Morello Ladder 35
                    FF. Michael Roberts Ladder 35 *
                    FF. Michael Lynch Engine 40
                    FF. Michael Dauria Engine 40

                    Charleston 9
                    "If my job was easy a cop would be doing it."
                    *******************CLICK HERE*****************

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Hmm

                      .
                      Attached Files
                      Psychiatrists state 1 in 4 people has a mental illness.
                      Look at three of your friends, if they are ok, your it.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        A gentleman needed a hair cut and took his young daughter with him to the barbershop. He sat down in the chair, and the girl went and stood right next to him, eating a snack cake. The barber looked down at her and said "Honey, you're going to get hair on your twinkie" to which she replied, "Yes, I know. And I'm going to grow boobs too"
                        The comments made by me are my opinions only. They DO NOT reflect the opinions of my employer(s). If you have an issue with something I may say, take it up with me, either by posting in the forums, emailing me through my profile, or PMing me through my profile.
                        We are all adults so there is no need to act like a child........
                        IACOJ

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulls a rectal thermometer out of his pocket and tries to write with it.

                          He looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing his mistake. He mumbles, "Well, that's great, just great... Some @$$hole's got my pen."
                          Last edited by kghemtp; 09-02-2003, 10:37 AM.
                          ~Kevin
                          Firefighter/Paramedic
                          --^v--^v--^v--^v--
                          Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
                          Dennis Miller

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            A firefighter working on the engine outside the station notices a little girl in the front yard of the house next door, sitting in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a firefighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and cat. The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
                            "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter says with admiration.
                            "Thanks," the girl says.
                            The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles..
                            "Little Partner," the firefighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.
                            "The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
                            ~Kevin
                            Firefighter/Paramedic
                            --^v--^v--^v--^v--
                            Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
                            Dennis Miller

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Ways to tell if you are from Massachusetts:

                              Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Massachusetts driver never uses them. Use of them in Boston may be illegal.

                              Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

                              Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."

                              The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

                              Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are
                              apparently not enforceable during rush hour.

                              Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Mass driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

                              It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need make up a few minutes in your travel.

                              Learn to swerve abruptly. Massachusetts is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to DOT, which places potholes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.

                              It is traditional in Massachusetts to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

                              Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Boston where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.

                              Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

                              Remember that the goal of every Massachusetts driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

                              Real Massachusetts female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye makeup and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

                              Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
                              ~Kevin
                              Firefighter/Paramedic
                              --^v--^v--^v--^v--
                              Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong
                              Dennis Miller

                              Comment

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