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  • Stimulus Check Humor

    STIMULUS CHECK 2010

    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
    Stimulus' payment.

    This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
    Using a Q & A format:


    Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


    Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

    A. From taxpayers.


    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

    A. Only a smidgen of it.


    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
    High-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.


    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

    A. Shut up.


    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by
    Spending your stimulus check wisely:

    * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

    * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

    * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China .

    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
    Honduras and Guatemala ..

    * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .


    * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .


    * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go
    To management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.


    Instead, keep the money in America by:

    1) Spending it at yard sales, or

    2) Going to ball games, or

    3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

    4) Beer or

    5) Tattoos.

    (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

    Conclusion:

    Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard
    Sale and drink beer all day !

    No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help...

  • #2
    There are ssooooo many levels you are wrong on, but I like it. Carry on.

    Comment


    • #3
      This thread is why I come here...

      Screw my accountant, he doesn't know jack!
      I am now a past chief and the views, opinions, and comments are mine and mine alone. I do not speak for any department or in any official capacity. Although, they would be smart to listen to me.

      "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list."

      "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Acklan View Post
        There are ssooooo many levels you are wrong on, but I like it. Carry on.
        It's meant to be humorous... Kind of like satire.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by len1582 View Post
          It's meant to be humorous... Kind of like satire.
          I get it! It is great.

          Comment


          • #6
            Ball games, tattoos, postitutes, beer and yard sales. I got 3 of 'em covered.
            My wise and profound comments and opinions are mine alone and are in no way associated with any other individual or group.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Blulakr View Post
              Ball games, tattoos, postitutes, beer and yard sales. I got 3 of 'em covered.
              ...and the weekend's not over yet !!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Blulakr View Post
                Ball games, tattoos, postitutes, beer and yard sales. I got 3 of 'em covered.
                Guess you don't like Ball Games and Yard Sales

                Comment


                • #9
                  Dang it Blulakr, I told you he would notice his girl missing.
                  I'm the one Fire and Rescue calls, when they need to be Rescued.

                  Originally posted by EastKyFF
                  "Firemens gets antsies. Theys wants to goes to fires. Sometimeses they haves to waits."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ChiefKN View Post
                    This thread is why I come here...

                    Screw my accountant, he doesn't know jack!


                    I bet he knows crowbar!!!
                    Stay Safe and Well Out There....

                    Always remembering 9-11-2001 and 343+ Brothers

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Wow..............

                      Financial advice without the Disclaimer.........
                      Never use Force! Get a Bigger Hammer.
                      In memory of
                      Chief Earle W. Woods, 1912 - 1997
                      Asst. Chief John R. Woods Sr. 1937 - 2006

                      IACOJ Budget Analyst

                      I Refuse to be a Spectator. If I come to the Game, I'm Playing.

                      www.gdvfd18.com

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        *disregard---wrong thread*

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Blulakr View Post
                          Ball games, tattoos, postitutes, beer and yard sales. I got 3 of 'em covered.

                          Alcohol,tobacco,firearms and explosives make up my usual weekend shopping list.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by len1582 View Post
                            It's meant to be humorous... Kind of like satire.

                            "Oh,humor.Are,are,are,are!"
                            It's a 70s thing.You wouldn't understand.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by doughesson View Post
                              "Oh,humor.Are,are,are,are!"
                              It's a 70s thing.You wouldn't understand.
                              The 70's....I remember that day.

                              Comment

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