ADVICE NEEDED!! How to better support our FF men?

[Bailee2009]

What are some of the things that your gfs/wives dont understand about your career... but if they did, it would make it easier on you? What sorts of things do your gfs/wifeys do that best support you (besides all the good nookie)?

Thanks in advance for the feedback

[truckedup133]

I wish you all understood that being at the station is like being at home. We love it there.

[LaFireEducator]

Cold beer in the fridge when it's hot.

Hot soup on the stove when it's cold.

Fresh baked cookies all the time.

And a little nookie after a hard structure fire.

[IronValor]

My girl always knows when I have had a rough shift. Usually we will go out and eat or if she sees that Im not much on going out I get something homecooked. There is always a cold beer and a warm smile waiting on me and I always know that she has My back no matter what.

Behind every good Fireman. There is a great woman.. Usually rolling her eyes

[mikeyboy411]

Support

Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.

[RyanK63]

I wish you all understood that being at the station is like being at home. We love it there.

Amen to that.

Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.

Exactly what he said.

[Blaze444]

Lots of "nookie" and not just any nookie, but the good stuff.....

Emotional support is always great..... Don't tell him that you "know what he's going through", unless you've been on the nozzle or are a former FF.

Remember God gave us all (2) ears and (1) mouth, so be willing to listen twice as much as you speak.

As far as reducing the work schedule stress, be willing to pick-up some slack and be independent when he's gone. Few things bug me more than when I get a phone call about how I didn't empty the trash or something that I didn't get to more than likely because she gave me another miniscul task to complete.

Don't tell your friends, sisters or anybody else what we share with you but this varies on what the topic is. If it's something you think the Captain may want to know (alcoholism, not dealing w/ the stress in a positive way, etc) then call the Captain. He may get upset initially, but when he gets into his correct state of mind he'll thank you and know that you care.

When they make their 1st "Grab" make it a big deal, because it is. Ask if you can throw him a "Grab Barbecue" and invite the guys at the house, any close friends, any skeptics (those that were against him entering the FS, if there were any) and make the day about him. Let him tell the story and every time he does and enhances it a lil' bit, walk over and kiss him on the neck.

If it won't be too embarrassing to him (don't know his personality) GET INVOLVED. This shows you respect the FS, want to understand what he may go through and should put you into a support function for the FD.

Check for some CISM (Critical Incident Stress Management) Classes and if his FD doesn't have this, ask if he would help you to implement this for the family members/support personnel and the guys on the floor.

When I met my current wife she visited, often helped us make dinner, did ride-outs (she's a Nurse now, but was an EMT at the time) and never told me that she understood what I was going through. She did say she understands why driving Code 3 is the most stressful time for a Driver/Engineer since nobody pulls-over or drives like they should. LOL.

I had my wife read this and she says to add send him a text in place of a phone call. That way if he's on a call or in training it's a very minor interruption. Don't take it personal if he does not immediately respond also, chances are he's going to be busy or occupied at times. She is an amazingly strong woman that is way more intelligent than I deserve (yep, I'm smitten).

Well..... As you can see I have a HUGE passion for helping folks help us (as a Captain I take this part of the Job very serious). If you have any other ?s feel free to ask.

What Happens if it is The Captain that you're with. I guess then it would go to The Chief.
I Love my Firefighter. He's My Hero and my Best Friend. We've been together 2 years now. He's a Captain in fs for over 30 years now. He's seen alot and done alot. And he's helped me alot.
I try to help in anyway I can.
I don't ask him to do alot of the things I can do myself. I have, however, taken it upon myself to learn alot about the job he does. Because I want to know. I want to understand what he's talking to me about. I am not nor have I ever been in fs but choose to learn as much as I can. It's easier when he's talking to me about something when I understand what it is he's talking about. When he comes off a shift & he's exhausted I try my absolute best not to bother him. If he's upset, yeah I try to get him to talk about it. I am more than just his Lady, I'm his Best Friend. His runnin' buddy. His Lover. Whatever he needs me to be. As much as he's a fixer so am I. I just do it with stray unwanted animals. I do what I can to help them, just as you guys and gals do with people, property, and animals.

[ROOKIELZ]

Really; it shouldn't matter what career a spouse chooses; it's about each spouse communicating, understanding and working together.

Having said that, I recently attended a seminar entitled "I Love a Firefighter: What the Family Needs to Know"

One of the points made within the seminar is that while new FF's are given a good rundown of what to expect, resources available, etc; the significant others are left in the dark wondering about it all and trying to deal with it on their own. There is no orientation type of information or sessions to introduce them to the lifestyle.

Very valid; I was left to my own devices often and learned to cope but some spouses could use the information; it would make it much easier for them and by extension, their FF's.

I found the seminar interesting because I have been married for 16 years to my DC and I am a FF in my own right. Most of it was right on target.

There are also books out there on the subject if you look.
I bought one for the wives at our station to help them understand what it is we do, why and what to expect at different times.

The funniest thing was my husband going through what I had once I joined up and was out on my share of calls.
HE had to either make or finish making supper. HE came home to a note on the table saying FIRE! HE waited up one night for me to come home because he couldn't sleep while I was out on a call.

NOW he understands what I went through. The shoe was finally on the other foot.

[Carlten]

Hi Bailee2009,
Not only gf or wives but every member of fire fighter should support them.
Fire fighting is one of the difficult job in world and chances of losing life are greater than other occupations.
So when they will come home after a rough day their family members should welcome them warmly.

[mikeyboy411]

Blaze444, if he's the Captain use his Crew..... Have the Engineer and FFs help you with the surprise. I've been surprised a couple of times by my family showing-up without me really knowing. Last time, I stumbled upon them while I was out rollerblading (P.T.) around the block.

As far as involving the Chief, that may work but that's gonna differ from Chief to Chief and FD to FD. They may give him a task to get him outta the Station so you all can sneak in or they may shoot the whole thing down..... Even if it's shot down, at least you tried. If you're not successful don't sweat it and don't take it the wrong way it's not your fault.

Well, like usual I've taken a short answer and made it long...... Hope this helps.....

[kora]

Firefighters (men & women) have my outer most respect for everything they do, and all the sacrifices they make. They deserve our support in any way possible, but they especially need the support from those closest to them. The way I see it is that I need to understand my man, no matter what age he is according to the birth certificate, is really a boy who wants to ride in a firetruck, hang around the fire station with other firefighters and play with all the cool toys that come with being a firefighter. I understand it, and accept it. To me it boils down to very simple this: I am just happy that he is happy. =)

[cme123]

Help!

Hi! I could use a little insight! My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time now and he has recently gone through the academy and become a firefighter. I'm so proud of him and everything he has accomplished, but things have changed a lot. I'm definitely ok with him being gone more and me being alone more, that's never been a problem. but my concern is that his job is going to end up being more important than his family, is this a valid concern? Is he going to miss his kids birthdays? And if he is, how do i get used to that? I worry about something happening to him all the time, does this get any easier? I want to support him as best I can, so if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

[fire49]

When I did Shift work I thought I had more time with family, even though I was gone more

I had all day during week days when other people were at work, so places were less crowded so the family could enjoy them more

Was able to be involved in their school activities during school hours

Yes birthdays holidays games plays will be missed

My family would come to the station and we would celebrate, called memories

Communicate starting today!!!!!

iLike ^^^ Ditto what fire49 said (and I'm a fire wife!)

[FFRicketts]

Realizing that this is more than a job to us, it is our way of life. This is our calling and it means more to us than anyone outside the brotherhood will ever understand. We love our family's, its plural because we have two...The wife, and then...The guys!