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"Don't Drop Me, I am broken"

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  • "Don't Drop Me, I am broken"

    "To See All Things Twice"

    As I head into rubble that heaps towards the night, I search for a path I have not taken and move straight for it.
    I sifted for the living, now my hunt is for ghosts.
    I walk protected by dark green shadows and follow a design I am sure to remember. I want to remember in order to be able to return.
    As I walk, I walk with a desire to see all things twice so I can find my way back to them again.
    Into the hairy elbows of overgrown wire and under the hanging swords of willowed planks, I climb into the belly of a deep vacant hill and smother my senses in the steeping perfumes of smothering ash and the spilling jet fuel.
    The dead have crawled into cocoons to sleep off the dark and hide from the hunters who have come to pull them back.
    A thin trail of lights disappears in the distance and I forgot to look twice at the string of braided street signs and did not count the small broken windows from high-rising buildings, two at a time.
    Instead, I stayed focused on the heart of a tangled hill and let my mind drink in the foreign language of buzzing saws and cricket hammers-
    Clattering night creatures, they are the music of heroes.
    Finally, the path behind me fades into the clearing as it unfolds ahead. The landscape did not change, the walk was without corners; the paths so mysteriously enchained that I never knew when I had turned to the right or left.
    I wanted to be lost and now, here I am. I wanted to go mad, and so here I'll lose my mind. I can scream and no one will be disturbed. I can cry and here, there is no reason to stop.
    I can forget, and remember, and I can let go of my restraints.
    Here, I will let out all of the despair that I have been collecting and fill in this darkness with the endless river of my tears.
    I did not want to advance into silence, feeling I might lose my voice forever. I moved my lips to remember the names my mouth had formed, but I felt they no longer belonged to those tatooed on my soul.
    Only the swimming sea of the faceless flows from me now, rising in the steamy drizzle of smoke and raining ash.
    Sliding in and out of the shadows, the noses of dogs quiver at the passing wind, to detect, to feel, forming no word but recognition of an odor.
    Undistracted by legions of silent men who claw without speaking against the mountain of iron, they breath with fin slowness, groping for hope where none will survive.
    They moved until there was nothing left to beg for or remember or count or let go of.
    With nothing left to see, and nothing left to say - with all things, gone, everything was completed.
    I slip between the covers of two fallen towers that bend into a carpet that lifts me towards the heavens.

    "Don't drop me. I am broken. Don't lose me until I am found. Hand me over to the little eyes of this Manhattan midnight. Plant me there beyond the stars."

    I would never find my way back and in the dark, I'd be afraid. So in the madness of the moonless night, I disappear --
    with a desire to see all things twice so I can fall into the arms of these angels who are lost in a mountain of Manhattan's sorrow.

    by: KauilaPolu

    [ 10-26-2001: Message edited by: KauilaPolu ]

    [ 10-26-2001: Message edited by: KauilaPolu ]
    Colleen McQuaid

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