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Thank you SO MUCH for all of your help. You guys really helped me out in so many ways. When you are as sad and mad and hurt and freaked out as I was, it really helps if you can totally vent your feelings and get some feedback.
I wasn't ever saying that *I* was the only person that was hurting (just to clarify some things) but I was saying that I was in a lot of pain and I needed some help so that I could move through it. Losing two dear wonderful beloved friends in such a short time has really tore me up. Sometimes people have to stand up and say, "I need help dealing with this!!"
Even though I'm not angry at God anymore I'm still very upset but you'll love this: Today I cracked up laughing - the first time since I found out that Dale had died. I laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. And it felt good! And I've been quick to laugh ever since. I'm healing!
After posting my initial "Angry at God" post and getting such wonderful replies I felt strong again. I went to the fair and participated in our "Firemen's Muster" and I rode on our fire engine in the parade. I dove back into our fire prevention and recruiting programs and basically got busy so that I wasn't overwhelmed with thinking about Dale and Chris. I'm still hurting like crazy but I feel like the clouds have parted and the sun is starting to shine through. I don't feel like I'm being crushed alive anymore.
I've already gone through these same things with Chris's death so I know I have a few months of saddness ahead of me - but I also know that as each day passes the saddness dulls.
I'm not a quitter. I won't let this kill me inside. Chris's death didn't wreck me and Dale's death won't wreck me. I love being a firefighter and I love life. I'm sad but I'll keep charging on!
Thank you all SO MUCH!
[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: Michelle Latham ]
I wasn't ever saying that *I* was the only person that was hurting (just to clarify some things) but I was saying that I was in a lot of pain and I needed some help so that I could move through it. Losing two dear wonderful beloved friends in such a short time has really tore me up. Sometimes people have to stand up and say, "I need help dealing with this!!"
Even though I'm not angry at God anymore I'm still very upset but you'll love this: Today I cracked up laughing - the first time since I found out that Dale had died. I laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. And it felt good! And I've been quick to laugh ever since. I'm healing!
After posting my initial "Angry at God" post and getting such wonderful replies I felt strong again. I went to the fair and participated in our "Firemen's Muster" and I rode on our fire engine in the parade. I dove back into our fire prevention and recruiting programs and basically got busy so that I wasn't overwhelmed with thinking about Dale and Chris. I'm still hurting like crazy but I feel like the clouds have parted and the sun is starting to shine through. I don't feel like I'm being crushed alive anymore.
I've already gone through these same things with Chris's death so I know I have a few months of saddness ahead of me - but I also know that as each day passes the saddness dulls.
I'm not a quitter. I won't let this kill me inside. Chris's death didn't wreck me and Dale's death won't wreck me. I love being a firefighter and I love life. I'm sad but I'll keep charging on!
Thank you all SO MUCH!
[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: Michelle Latham ]
Glad to hear it Michelle!! Although the pain will never truly go away, realizing that they are in a MUCH better place smiling down on you is a very comforting feeling...
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