Tweet
Course I have a scanner!
A scanner? Heck yeah! Ya can't be travelin around uninformed now can ya? I have a few but I'll tell ya about one of em. My car has a Whackmaster 3000 channel portable scanner. Ever since I figured my power problems out (y'all remember that right?) it's been working fine. I have it programmed so that I can listen in on everything within a 2000 mile radius. Now, ya might think that is a little much, but the problem is in your antenna!! Some guys use a little thing that splits their car radio antenna, that works pretty good, but only for about 30 or 40 miles!.. that's no good! Then some guys try to get fancy and use a little antenna that somehow works through the glass, some guys even put a real antenna on the roof, now that will get you some decent coverage, but still not good enough. I was eatin lunch at Kentucky Fried (Colonel Sanders HIMSELF was visitin our lovely town) and puzzling over this very fact when I hear from the Colonel that the government is closing the local air force base. Now I hate to see the bases close as much as the next guy, but I remembered seein some weird looking planes with bowls on em. Someone called em AWHACKS or something and said they could pick up radio transmissions from around the world!. Now, that sounded like me right? I figured if I could get me one of them AWHACKERS I'd be the big man down at the hall. I drove over there and sure enough, there was one of those big puppies up on blocks. I walked around looking for someone and ran into this old boy Newt who was in the vo-tech with me. He was doin a lube job on an F-15, but said, sure I could look at the AWHACKS. I climbed up on in there and MAN were there some radios! I started thinking if I had some of that stuff I could pick up all the way from Booger County! I went back and asked my buddy what they were gonna do with her and he said part her out!.. I said I wanted that big ol'dish. He said Id have to ask the Colonel for that. I thought it was a little strange, but I drove back down to the KFC and to my surprise the Colonel was still there. His beard was missin and he was in the back with one of the girls havin a drink, but I still recognized him. I asked him if I could have that AWHACKS thing and he said he didn't care what I did as long as I didn't do it there. I was so happy I drove right on out to the base again. I found Newt and told him the Colonel said go ahead! We got us some tools and a cutting torch and started working on that dish. Now getting the dish down was easy, but putting it on my car was a problem. If ya remember, I had that little problem with the chickens in my pick up, since then she's been up on blocks behind the trailer. Till I can get her fixed, Im drivin an AMC Pacer. Weird looking little round car, but with that much glass and some window tint I'm gonna make it into a giant blue light (more about that next time). Me an Newt spent all day beefin up the springs (with just a little weldin and some cutting, Hummer springs fit right in almost) We almost set the dish on the roof when I remember my first Q mishap and we decided to put some steel in there. We found a big plate and welded her up, right after we put the fire in the back seat out, we lowered that dish right down on the car. A few screws and a roll of monster cable and we were ready to go! I plugged the Whackmaster in and waited. I started fiddling with the dials and the next thing ya know I can hear people talking in strange languages, First I thought I just got the drive in window at Mama Fongs, but then I realized that it was the Chinese! Now not even the Chief can pick up China, so I set off to show the fellas. I was drivin along listen to them Chinese and I even heard them fellas up there in Booger goin to a big fire in a double wide! Now I hadn't realized how big that dish was till now, sure I noticed it made the car a little shady, but I thought we'd be ok. I had just turned onto the road when the fellas in Booger called for
our tanker. I knew I'd have the jump on em cause no one else could pick up Booger on their scanners, so I flipped on the blue lights and took off. I was just getting up to speed when I noticed the steering got a little loose and the engine got really loud. The suspension felt good though, almost like I was floating! Dang, I WAS floating. That bowl acted like a big wing and picked my car right up! Just when I was thinking I should get down, I realized if I caught a tail wind I could make it to the hall first and drive the tanker. I leaned way over and opened my window and sure enough she turned the right way. I cut right across the air base (those boys in the tower aren't too polite, guess they didn't know I could hear em!) I was just getting to the hall and thinking about landing when I hear the boys from the huntin club on the CB and their talking about UFO's! Now that's just what I need to be up here with a UFO, so I close all the windows and try to land, next thing ya know they start shootin!.. buck shot an slugs start tearin through my Pacer, I'm plummeting to earth and screamin at em to stop with all kindsa heck breakin loose. Just then I hear one of em say stop shootin, its Ed!.. He must seen my license plate (AWHACK) I landed with a crash right on the firehouse roof, I was so dazed I stepped out of my car and fell right through to the floor. I didn't make the tanker; but when I get outta the clinic Im gonna see about getting that Pacer to fly again. Ya'll be safe now!
our tanker. I knew I'd have the jump on em cause no one else could pick up Booger on their scanners, so I flipped on the blue lights and took off. I was just getting up to speed when I noticed the steering got a little loose and the engine got really loud. The suspension felt good though, almost like I was floating! Dang, I WAS floating. That bowl acted like a big wing and picked my car right up! Just when I was thinking I should get down, I realized if I caught a tail wind I could make it to the hall first and drive the tanker. I leaned way over and opened my window and sure enough she turned the right way. I cut right across the air base (those boys in the tower aren't too polite, guess they didn't know I could hear em!) I was just getting to the hall and thinking about landing when I hear the boys from the huntin club on the CB and their talking about UFO's! Now that's just what I need to be up here with a UFO, so I close all the windows and try to land, next thing ya know they start shootin!.. buck shot an slugs start tearin through my Pacer, I'm plummeting to earth and screamin at em to stop with all kindsa heck breakin loose. Just then I hear one of em say stop shootin, its Ed!.. He must seen my license plate (AWHACK) I landed with a crash right on the firehouse roof, I was so dazed I stepped out of my car and fell right through to the floor. I didn't make the tanker; but when I get outta the clinic Im gonna see about getting that Pacer to fly again. Ya'll be safe now!
Comment