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  • #16
    Originally posted by Firehog5 View Post
    how do you deal with it?
    Well, to be honest, and what many outside the service would say is sick, I laugh about it! It so not PC, and I make damn sure I'm in the presence of other who will also laugh about it.
    A Fire Chief has ONLY 1 JOB and that's to take care of his fireman. EVERYTHING else falls under this.

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    • #17
      Put it behind you. You are helping the people. You did not cause the situation. No one likes to see people in pain, but no one calls the emrgency services to celebrate a birthday with.
      Every call has the potential to be bad. If people died, it is not becuase of you.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
        As the Loo from Memphis and others have said, you have to control yourself. If you can't you are in the wrong job.



        BTW 10-8 whats with the F's??? Your school grades?

        Can't you bring your self to spell or say Fire?
        F for fatality, sorry.


        I have a strict "no talking to the wife about bad calls" policy - what about everyone else? Do you unload on your wife or keep it from her?
        sigpic

        In this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by TenEight View Post
          F for fatality, sorry.


          I have a strict "no talking to the wife about bad calls" policy - what about everyone else? Do you unload on your wife or keep it from her?
          What happens on the department, stays at the department. Spouses, particularly ones not associated with emergency response, simply do not understand, and often don't want to know.

          Now that being said, we often debrief incidents, and always have someone available to talk to for anyone having difficulties coping.

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          • #20
            Like most on here have said you repress it and do your job. When you get done, handle it however you like. I know some guys that find the humerus side of the event, others that talk it over with their wives, still others find someone else that was their and vent. I even know one guy that visits a psychiatrist, or maybe its a grief counselor, when it's worse than normal. Everyone handles grief and suffering differently. There really isn't a wrong way to cope with it, just so long as you are actually dealing with it.

            I have a rule that I never bring work home with me. So, personally I have a cop friend that I discuss the really bad scenes with and he does the same with me. It works pretty good, we are both in emergency services, and he works in a different jurisdiction than me. We each bring a different perspective to the table, yet have enough similarities that we each know what the other is talking about. I also have the number for the Critical Incident Debrief team we use at work on a card in my billfold, so if I ever work that career-ending incident I know there is someone to talk to about it.

            For the intentions of this post, when I say career-ending I strictly mean a incident that inflicts such emotional distress that I do not feel I can continue to effectively perform the duties of my occupation.
            Last edited by KanFireman; 02-24-2011, 01:14 AM.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by TenEight View Post
              Do you unload on your wife or keep it from her?
              boy do I try, but she says its disgusting.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by nameless View Post
                boy do I try, but she says its disgusting.
                I actually LOL'd.
                "It's a living thing brian..."

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by TenEight View Post
                  F for fatality, sorry.


                  I have a strict "no talking to the wife about bad calls" policy - what about everyone else? Do you unload on your wife or keep it from her?

                  If I didn't have the wife I have, I may not have gotten through a lot of hard times while on the job. She has been a great listener and supporter during some pretty hard times.

                  You never want to surpress anything. It is better to get it out than to keep it bottled up inside.

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                  • #24
                    The first trauma I ever worked was a GSW to the head and its sorta went down hill from there through the years. I was taught early not to put Myself in somebody elses boots because Youll walk through enough **** in your own lifetime. You have to remember that its not YOUR Problem. All you can do is help the pts the best you can and if you have done your best then go home proud because there is nothing to be ashamed of. If its something thats sticking with you then by all means talk to a trusted brother. Always leave your job at your job and if all else fails there is always passive aggressive wood working and enough Jameson to drown a F***in elephant! Its like taking a mini vacation and never leaving the house!
                    Do not let the ghosts of our fallen brothers gaze upon you and ask " What have you done to my profession?" FTB DTRT EGH

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                    • #25
                      Joined a dept on monday night tuesday morning double fatality, one other med flight out. Another accident; we had one of our young members killed in a mva by two semi's. 21yr old. We called another department to cut him out, this has been the only time i've seen a dept unable to do anything other than take our hats off as he was carted by. Only time i've seen ff's break down at a scene. Kids are the hardest and at acciedents we just need to man up get the job done and if you need to talk about it do it later or in church.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by CaptOldTimer View Post
                        Ouch, you am right pal. My mistake.
                        Code K here. T.C.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by admpaul View Post
                          Joined a dept on monday night tuesday morning double fatality, one other med flight out. Another accident; we had one of our young members killed in a mva by two semi's. 21yr old. We called another department to cut him out, this has been the only time i've seen a dept unable to do anything other than take our hats off as he was carted by. Only time i've seen ff's break down at a scene. Kids are the hardest and at acciedents we just need to man up get the job done and if you need to talk about it do it later or in church.
                          Never had to do that HERE but if it were to happen, it WILL be OUR members doing the Extrication. The member is OURS and WE WILL take care of them. Chaplain on Staff and CISD team available on a moments notice. T.c.

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                          • #28
                            Agreed 100% Rescue 101 -
                            ?

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                            • #29
                              Hey TenEight, which of the past wives are you speaking of?

                              In all seriousness though, after a horrendous call, the best place to lay your cards is on the House Kitchen Table... or with your senior man.
                              Don't be afraid to open up a discussion about a bad call at the House.

                              As a Captain with 32 years, I feel it's on me to open the talk and deal with any upcoming demons...Lord knows I've done well from some 4 in the morning hashing things out.

                              Small story...
                              Twin engine plane runs out of fuel WELL short of Runway 36 around 9:30AM and lands in a major city intersection, bouncing off a 5 ton truck, a city bus and folding up on itself 100' form a propane storage at a gas station.
                              My rescue's task was to extricate the 2 remaining passengers from the tail area of the aircraft... 1 died as we accomplished this.

                              The meat of this story is that after we returned to station, cleaned and readied equipment, we went back on Duty.
                              I could tell that some of my crew was deeply affected.
                              That afternoon, I placed our Rescue "Off Duty" for Water Rescue Training at about 13:30.
                              We needed that diversion time.
                              I'm sure that a lot was brought home that night but I'm also sure that everyone on my crew knew we were all dealing with the call together.

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                              • #30
                                Emotions.....

                                1st off... careyc1090, great job with the diversion. That is a under utilized tool that works wonders, so kudos to you.

                                If I didn't have the wife I have, I may not have gotten through a lot of hard times while on the job. She has been a great listener and supporter during some pretty hard times.
                                I'm in the same boat as Jonnee, my wife is awesome. She was an EMT, did lots of ride-outs, knows the FS and let's me vent when I need to.

                                As a member of our Regional CISM Team (it's new, and incorporates 3 different FDs) I also agree and recommend this comment:
                                You never want to surpress anything. It is better to get it out than to keep it bottled up inside.
                                During CISM Group Intervention, we had a retired CalFire Captain explain it this way: Our emotions are like clothes we are taking on a vacation. We put them into a suitcase and store them until needed. As the emotions build-up we can either keep storing them and eventually our "suit case" loses it's zipper and the emotions blow out and make a mess. Or, we can organize our emotions and keep space available for positive things we want to keep. The choice is up to the individual.

                                I've had one of those careers that many here have had; lots of fatalities (T/C, F/S, M/A, R/Q), lots of kids calls (I'm a father of 3 girls and 1 boy) and grew-up professionally with the "Man-up" environment which does work. You will be de-sensitized to many things that happen and this will/may spill over into your personal life. About 5-6 months ago I lost my Grandfather (helped raise me as a we bit lad) and dealt with this in my own Family. It was interesting how thinking back now, it effected myself and a cousin of mine (he's a Sheriff's Deputy) a lot different than it did most of my Family. We were the ones that made sure the DNR was current, relieved the Nurse of her Daily Duties whenever possible, funeral arrangements were done since he was a Vet (WW II Tanker, under Patton) and we started bringing a second shirt anytime we were up there from the tears and mascara that stained a really nice shirt I liked (wow, that reads really insensitive). LOL.

                                My suggestion is to talk about it between your Crew and be honest about how you feel..... If needed call your CISM Contact Person and ask them to come-over for a cup of coffee, bowl of chili, bowl of ice cream or just a plain old chat. We like to be invited, and actually only go where we are invited. If your wife (I don't recommend doing this with a girlfriend) is involved in Emergency Services than extra bonus, feel free to use her as a "Venting Board". If you are going to do this though, give her a heads-up and ask her now (while you're in a non-emotional mood) if she's cool with that. Advise her what you want; somebody to hear, somebody to listen (there is a HUGE difference), somebody to give you a different perspective, somebody to tell you that you're not alone in this, you're not the only person that has felt this way (I guarantee you this) and that she loves you no matter what you see. If you're a faith based person, doing this plus studying what emotions you are experiencing has helped me in the past so I'd also suggest that. If not, then talk about it and act out in a healthy manner.

                                You may not realize this, but by posting this you have already started a process for healing here. If you need to, feel free to send me a P.M. anytime and I'm willing to listen, read, give you a different perspective or whatever you need to keep you working. I'm not a "Head Shrinker", going to place judgment, the solve-all/cure-all or have a Phd behind my name but I am a peer and also a willing set of ears/eyes to read what you are experiencing.

                                Stay safe my friends.....
                                Last edited by mikeyboy; 02-27-2011, 02:50 AM.
                                "Be LOUD, Be PROUD..... It just might save your can someday when goin' through an intersection!!!!!"

                                Life on the Truck (Quint) is good.....

                                Eat til you're sleepy..... Sleep til you're hungry..... And repeat.....

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