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Funny Quotes....

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  • Funny Quotes....

    Post the funniest stuff you have heard at either a job or at the kitchen table:

    I'll go first:

    Lt to a rather PORTLEY member of the barge....errr I mean Truck Comapny during the 6x meal........fat truckie requested NO CARBS for HIS plate....


    Engine Member: Hey ****** you on a diet?
    Fat Truckie: YEAH!
    Engine Member: How's it going
    Fat Truckie: GREAT!......I have lost 6 pounds
    Engine Company LT: Oh come on my man! That's like throwing a deck chair off the titanic........

    Everyone nearly pizzez themselves in laughter......I shot a piece of potato out of my nose......GD FUNNY!!!
    Last edited by VinnieB; 10-05-2005, 12:37 AM.
    IACOJ Member

  • #2
    we had a guy who was extremely religous(I am too but not like this guy) but we had a guy ask (i'll try to edit it) "Do they swim around in her stomach" and he got so red he left the table
    The Box. You opened it. We Came...

    "You'll take my life but I'll take your's too. You'll fire musket but I'll run you through. So when your waiting for the next attack, you'll better understand there's no turn back."

    Comment


    • #3
      I mentioned this in another thread........

      Radio Xmistion for a fire on the 5th floor of an occupied MD...with fire blowing out of 1 window on arrival.....nickle and dime stuff.....


      "Battalion XX to Ladder XX.......K"
      "Ladder XX.....K"
      (Batt)"PD reports perp armed w/ a hand gun in the apt....K"
      Ladderxx: "10-4...armed perp in the apt, K"
      Ladderxx: "What do we do if he starts shootin' k?
      Battalion: "Err...shoot back k...."
      Ladderxx: "10-4 Chief......"

      The Truck found the guy face down and out cold in the hallway of his apt.... and 4 cops on the fire floor bailed out due to the smoke.... LOL!


      God I love this job!
      Last edited by VinnieB; 10-05-2005, 12:46 AM.
      IACOJ Member

      Comment


      • #4
        An old chief who was not too good with the triage color system giving the report on the radio

        Chief: "We have a bus accident. Paramedics on scene report 10 greens, 4 yellows, and two reds."

        Main FAO: "Any blacks Chief?"

        Chief: "They're all black!"
        I am a complacent liability to the fire service

        Comment


        • #5
          Confuscious say: "Man with hand in pocket, feels cocky all day" per Chris Balassone

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ChicagoFF
            An old chief who was not too good with the triage color system giving the report on the radio

            Chief: "We have a bus accident. Paramedics on scene report 10 greens, 4 yellows, and two reds."

            Main FAO: "Any blacks Chief?"

            Chief: "They're all black!"
            ROFLMFAO!! Sounds like something my DC would say.
            Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

            IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

            "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
            RUSH-Tom Sawyer

            Success is when skill meets opportunity
            Failure is when fantasy meets reality

            Comment


            • #7
              Some great quotes can be found here:
              www.memphisfire.net
              Click on "Quotes" on the left side of the screen.

              Comment


              • #8
                Are HQ is being rehab and we have no heat...so the clerk of the works comes up with a plan for heat in the bunk room ......qoute of the day...

                "Thats so crazy it just might work" and " Ya think"
                IACOJ Membership 2002
                {15}

                Mike IAFF

                The beatings will continue until the morale improves

                Comment


                • #9
                  We had a 22 year old telling us what a ladies man he was when I shot him one of my Dads famous one-liners " You couldnt make out in a whore house with a fistfull of $20's "

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    FF - "This might be a stupid question"

                    Me- "There is no such thing as a stupid question"

                    FF - "Since I live 5 miles from town, do my pager batteries go dead faster than the guys that live in town? You know, since the page has to go farther."

                    Me- trying to keep a straight face "Yep, they sure do, and you should also be running the 15w-40 pager oil instead of the 5w-30, so it doesn't overheat."
                    Jeremy Quist
                    Chief
                    LVFD
                    Laurel, NE

                    Not the end of the earth, but you can see clods falling off from here.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      A fat FF from east side of town detailed over walks into kitchen in a.m., Lt says "Haven't seen you in a while, you been working out?" Fatso says-"No, not really". Lt says-"Yea, I didn't think so". Great line and easily adaptable to other situations.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Not really a quote, but rather a funny story... I was about 20 yrs old when this took place and the girl was 19.

                        I was with a girl I was dating in my truck and it was raining. The roads around here are really slick when wet. I pulled out from a side street onto an old farm road and pushed the gas. My tires started spinning so I pushed the pedal further to just play around. The speedo read almost 85 m.p.h. and she told me to stop because if a cop shot me with his radar, he would write me a ticket for speeding even though I was only doing about 5 m.p.h. She actually thought that the radar guns read what my speedo said. I couldn't stop laughing and she couldn't understand why, until I explained how radar guns operate.

                        Another time, I was at a friends house putting in hardood laminate floors. It was the tongue and groove style. They call them "floating" floors because they aren't secured to the floor beneath them. My friend's girlfriend wanted to know how they "floated" with all that weight. Another classic. Gotta love the blondes!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          "Not very big around, but it sure is short."

                          "I cut that damm board 3 times and it's still too short!"

                          When asked how I dated such attractive women in college, I would reply "Im not very good looking, don't have a lot of money, but the called me Mr. Ed in high school and it aint cause I have a long FACE." I was kidding, of course, but it sounded funny to me.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Funny thing happened yesterday. The Scott tech was giving us a class on our new SCBAs and one of our LTs (a big boy, 6'4" about 300) asks if the straps are any bigger. The tech says no and asks why. The Lt says he has trouble putting it on while in the truck. The tech asks if hes ever tried Jenny Craig?
                            Fire Marshal/Safety Officer

                            IAAI-NFPA-IAFC/VCOS-Retired IAFF

                            "No his mind is not for rent, to any god or government"
                            RUSH-Tom Sawyer

                            Success is when skill meets opportunity
                            Failure is when fantasy meets reality

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              "I'd rather have a sister in a whore house than a brother on A-shift"

                              Comment

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