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Drinking and driving

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  • Drinking and driving

    I just wanted to reach out to all my former brothers and sisters out there. I sit here thinking about what could have been and what I lost. I don't want sympathy at all for this post. If anything I hope this reaches 1 or any to help them avoid mistakes I've made.
    Think before getting behind the wheel. I worked so hard to land my dream job and it took less than 7 months for me to throw everything away. I have battled alcoholism in secret for many years but was able to maintain a clean record and land a job. I'm not a bad person one hell of a firefighter but I make horrible decisions. I thought I had it figured out. I thought I could avoid the nasty **** after landing the job. But I didn't. I tried it on my own and failed.
    I'm to old to try again and the dream is gone. Young, old, senior, private... Please talk to someone if you have a problem or you even have the smallest idea you might. You are surrounded by many who love you and will lift you up. Don't look for help after your in trouble. It's not worth it. Stay safe out there everyone and keep protecting your communities.

  • #2
    GCFD, thanks for posting this. I know it wasn't easy to post, much less live through. Good luck with whatever life may bring you in the future, and as you said, don't be afraid to reach out when you need the help.
    Career Fire Captain
    Volunteer Chief Officer


    Never taking for granted that I'm privileged enough to have the greatest job in the world!

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    • #3
      THANK YOU BoxAlarm187 and fire5555.

      Good to hear you have a plan for enjoying responsibly. I know my age and being truly honest about my addiction has and will create a much harder road for me to land another job. At my age I don't expect another shot in the fire service and I will have to learn to accept that. But I can not give up on this opportunity to accept I have a problem. I don't know all the answers and I determined to understand the reasons I have failed. I can say I have discovered this is bigger than I am and must face it head on. I know many of the 60+ people who have viewed this post are reading it saying "this guy is an idiot who should have never gotten a chance at all" and based on my current actions I can't argue otherwise. But I can't explain the urge to drink to someone who hasn't been in the position I'm in. There is a difference in getting a DUI and getting off with a slap on the wrist and being forced to face your demons. My hope is that I will learn to forgive myself and build off this eye opening experience. There is no shame in talking to EAP and its confidential. My situation is obviously no secret and again all I'm trying to do is bring awareness to those who might be able to use it for a better outcome.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by GCFD142 View Post
        THANK YOU BoxAlarm187 and fire5555.

        Good to hear you have a plan for enjoying responsibly. I know my age and being truly honest about my addiction has and will create a much harder road for me to land another job. At my age I don't expect another shot in the fire service and I will have to learn to accept that. But I can not give up on this opportunity to accept I have a problem. I don't know all the answers and I determined to understand the reasons I have failed. I can say I have discovered this is bigger than I am and must face it head on. I know many of the 60+ people who have viewed this post are reading it saying "this guy is an idiot who should have never gotten a chance at all" and based on my current actions I can't argue otherwise. But I can't explain the urge to drink to someone who hasn't been in the position I'm in. There is a difference in getting a DUI and getting off with a slap on the wrist and being forced to face your demons. My hope is that I will learn to forgive myself and build off this eye opening experience. There is no shame in talking to EAP and its confidential. My situation is obviously no secret and again all I'm trying to do is bring awareness to those who might be able to use it for a better outcome.
        Thank you for posting this. It took true courage on your part to do so. I lost a Brother to alcoholism, and I have seen careers in the fire service ruined by alcoholism. It is an insidious disease that many can hide for a long while until either a single incident exposes it or the alcohol takes over 100% and there is no hiding it anymore. Many believe they can handle it and no one will know they have the problem, or that they can quit on their own. I honestly believe it is as hard as heroin to kick. I saw my Brother battle and then surrender to it numerous times before he committed suicide.

        I wish you the best of luck in your struggle. Admitting the problem is the first step to getting help and you are there. Stay strong and you can win this battle, turn things around and enjoy the rest of your life. Good luck.
        Crazy, but that's how it goes
        Millions of people living as foes
        Maybe it's not too late
        To learn how to love, and forget how to hate

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        • #5
          I lost my dad to alcohol and cigs. Even the best of us make mistakes, and it's really hard to own them sometimes. Thanks for sharing.

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          • #6
            Never too late to turn it around. Stay strong.

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            • #7
              Thank you all for the support. It hard and I have had a couple times already I was face to face with former members. It's hard to stand tall and accept this but I know my priorities have to be in the right place and I must have the desire to quit for myself. This is my rockbottom but I won't give up hope that I can find happiness again with my loved ones. I won't move away from my home and I hope to one day be able to use my story to prevent other people in the field from letting the addiction consume them too. Alcoholism isn't widely understood as a disease but I'm shocked how much I've learned during this recovery journey I'm on. The most important thing I can share is my early warning signs and total denial and let others figure it out for themselves. The job wasn't enough for me to stay sober but I know it could have been if I had educated myself a little more. Stay safe everyone.

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              • #8
                Powerful post my man. It truly sucks to hear this from someone - we all know the road it takes to get here. Hopefully this will be heard loud and clear by all out there. Best of luck in the future.

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                • #9
                  Well it's been over a year and I'm happy to share I have had much success in life so far. Happier, healthier and I have found peace. I landed a job within the fire service "field" and I am shocked at how much I continue to learn each day. I share my story regularly with individuals seeking help in an anonymous setting and I'm happy to do so.
                  My goal with this forum from day one has been to bring awareness to my situation and hopefully help just one person who has read it. Preaching doesn't work but having a willing participant to listen to those in need is sometimes all it takes.
                  This is a stressful job and I know my mental health just as important as my physical health.
                  If anyone would like to know more about my situation and my story let me know if you think it might help you or someone you love. PM ME. Im just here to help and or listen to anyone who needs it.
                  Stay safe everyone

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    My grandfather was a sober alcoholic the last 25 years of his life. He and I chatted about the grip the alcohol had on him numerous times.

                    I express my sincerest hope you do well in your recovery.
                    They told me if I voted for Hillary Clinton the president would be emotional, impulsive, and unpredictable. They were right. I voted for Hillary Clinton and got a president that is emotional, impulsive, and unpredictable.

                    I'm not saying you're stupid. I'm saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

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