Things not to say to an LEO

[Dave1983]

Got this from a friend...

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee ... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

:D

[Shoreman22]

Officer: Did you know the speed limit is 65 miles an hour?
Driver: Yeah, but I wasn't going to be out for that long...

Officer Smith? Say, your daughter wouldn't be Susie "Sure Thing" Smith, would she???

Driver: I was rushing to the station to buy my tickets for the policemen's ball.
Officer: Ma'am, the state police don't have balls... Um, have a nice day...

[mcfd45]

How To Get Out Of A Traffic Ticket!

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

[pvfire424]

And the number 1 method for not getting a speeding ticket, and ANY officer will agree.................

































Dont speed . :cool:

[lvwrench]

Shoreman22:"Ma'am the state police don't have balls". That's interesting. I suppose it could be true but what do they have in their pants.

[redneckemt]

Officer: Sir I'm going to have to take you to the Police Station.
Officer: Sir Step out of the truck.
Driver: No, I'm to drunk you get in.
Officer: Sir I'm going to have to take you to the Police Station.
Drunk: That's fine I'll drive.


Officer I'm not half as think as you drunk I am.

State Trooper: Do you know why I pulled you over today.
Driver: Depends on how long you've been following me.

[mcfd45]

drunk
what seems to be the officer problem?

[Dalmatian190]

State Trooper: Do you know why I pulled you over today.
Driver: Depends on how long you've been following me.


Many years ago I pulled over before the Trooper even had a chance to turn on his headlights :D

And that was kind of my thought in my head...damn, just how far back on this mile long straight away since I crested the hill did he first get me on the radar gun? At the time, I had down shifted into 3rd, was braking as hard as I could, had already flipped on my blinker on to pull over, and went by his cruiser still doing 75...

At least pulling over without him even signalling me bought enough goodwill to get a 74 in a 45 ticket...

[MalahatTwo7]

At least pulling over without him even signalling me bought enough goodwill

Ya know its funny how far something as simple as just pulling over as soon as you know you've been "had" will go to either getting a warning or a reduced fine at least. And ya it is kinda fun to see the blue/grey streak go racing past at Mach 3! :D Would be kinda fun to know what he's thinking when that happens, or to at least see the look...........

[chunktal]

I was following a van up a hill a couple of years ago. It was going slowly and had pulled onto the verge to let us past, the car behind it sat on the centre line and would not pass though. I thought that's ok, when we get to the top, the other side is a long straight downhill run with an over-taking lane for the on coming traffic, if it's clear there's plenty of time to pass.

Got to the top and it was clear so out I go. A semi-trailer came around the corner at the bottom of the hill and I thought ok, no problem. Then a Highway Patrol car came out from behind it to overtake it up the hill. Now we're going head to head and the traffic has closed up on me so I can't get back in. Only thing to do was to floor it and get past the 2 cars and pull up (already knew I was busted). Highway pulled back behind the semi and I pulled up watching him hit the lights and make his turn in the mirror.

I already had my licence out ready, when he went screaming past, lights and siren going. I was puzzled as he looked at me as he went past. I waited a minute or two and figured he wasn't coming back so I put my licence away and carried on. A couple of corners on the officer had another car pulled over and I slowed down to see if he wanted me to stop but he waved me on.

The car he had was the car that was behind me as we were going up the hill. Between staring straight at a Highway Patrol car and working out I couldn't get back in so I'd have to speed up and looking for a place to stop, I hadn't realised that the other car had followed me out. All that I can figure is that the office thought I'd only be worth warning as there was a fair distance between us and I had stopped but the other bloke kept going so he chased him instead.

I guess it pays to stop.

[hwoods]

For a number of years, my VFD Chief's car was one of America's favorite Police Vehicles, a '95 Ford Crown Vic, Police package, Unmarked, and loaded with neat stuff like 22 hidden strobe lights. Numerous times I went hustling thru a Radar trap, getting a friendly "Hi Bro" wave from the Cops. Other side of this was that many times I'd be the first to arrive at a highway crash, and I'd have people walking over to me, pulling out their Drivers License, saying "I was coming this way, and he......" One thing that the neighbors appreciated was, with the car sitting in my driveway, petty stupid stuff like someone throwing trash out of their car in our neighborhood just stopped happening. Never a dull moment, that's for sure.

[DennisTheMenace]

And the number 1 method for not getting a speeding ticket, and ANY officer will agree.................

































Dont speed . :cool:That will just get you a ticket for impeding the flow of traffic in this state.

[RyanEMVFD]

Gee Officer, haven't I seen you before at the Blue Oyster?

[Shoreman22]

Gee Officer, haven't I seen you before at the Blue Oyster?

Remember Mahoney - NOBODY screws with me...

[spearsm]

Rodney King was framed.

[DennisTheMenace]

Rodney King was framed.No OJ was framed, Rodney was cropped

[ffexpCP]

"I'm a FF/cop/EMT/medic..."


Funny story:
I was called to a noise complaint (at my PSO job) at a frat house, I show up and there's a guy bleeding all over. We ask if he wants medical treatment and this guy comes over [insert drunken yelling] "he's fine, I'm an EMT" [end drunken yelling].

Mesays to myself, 'yeah, a drunk frat member EMT serving minors and holding an open container in public making a total ass of himself.'

Let this be a PSA to all to learn when to shut up and stop embarrassing us and yourself.

[/rant]

[Dave1983]

"I'm a FF/cop/EMT/medic..."


Funny story:
I was called to a noise complaint (at my PSO job) at a frat house, I show up and there's a guy bleeding all over. We ask if he wants medical treatment and this guy comes over [insert drunken yelling] "he's fine, I'm an EMT" [end drunken yelling].

Mesays to myself, 'yeah, a drunk frat member EMT serving minors and holding an open container in public making a total ass of himself.'

Let this be a PSA to all to learn when to shut up and stop embarrassing us and yourself.

[/rant]


Funny you bring that up. Just yesterday, we get a call for a chest pain at Sears. We walk in, and a guy comes up, identifies himself as a nurse, and says the patient doesnt have a pulse. I would have been concerned had not the patient been sitting in a chair talking on his c-phone. :eek: :rolleyes:

[snowball]

Funny you bring that up. Just yesterday, we get a call for a chest pain at Sears. We walk in, and a guy comes up, identifies himself as a nurse, and says the patient doesnt have a pulse. I would have been concerned had not the patient been sitting in a chair talking on his c-phone. :eek: :rolleyes:

Last week we get a call for an unresponsive at an alzheimer care facility.
The head R.N. (and I use that term lightly) told us that the patient "is breathing fine but there is no pulse". :rolleyes:

[doughesson]

Only ticket I ever talked my way out of was when I got pulled over at the Memphis city/Mississippi line on HWY 61.
Cop tells me I was doing 61 and wants to know why.I told him I'd seen the signs saying "61" and thought I was only doing the speed limit.
He laughs,puts away his citation book and says,"Sir,I am some glad I stopped you before you got to Interstate 240!"and waves me on at a lower velocity.

The last ticket I got,I could have gotten out of but didn't want to sell a rifle.
They thought I'd been drinking but I was weaving over the road from fatigue(being up 24 hours will do that).
The senior deputy,who later was a bro on my old volunteer department,was admiring the Springfield Armory M1A I had cased up in the truck bed and offered me $1100 for it.Not really understanding what he was getting at,I told him"No,I got more than 1400 tied up in it already.Need more money."
That's when he started the"Your signature is not a guilty plea,you are just acknowledging the citation and that you'll either pay the fine or appear in court at 9 am,yadda,yadda,yadda.Press hard,you are making six copies."

[doughesson]

Could be he was seeing who had a guilty conscience that day.
Ever been pulled over by someone on his second day out of the academy?They were going the other way on a divided highway and I have to wonder what the FTO had to say to the rookie driver about the Crown Victrola almost flipping over in the median.

Ya know its funny how far something as simple as just pulling over as soon as you know you've been "had" will go to either getting a warning or a reduced fine at least. And ya it is kinda fun to see the blue/grey streak go racing past at Mach 3! :D Would be kinda fun to know what he's thinking when that happens, or to at least see the look...........

[firemanjb]

Funny you bring that up. Just yesterday, we get a call for a chest pain at Sears. We walk in, and a guy comes up, identifies himself as a nurse, and says the patient doesnt have a pulse. I would have been concerned had not the patient been sitting in a chair talking on his c-phone. :eek: :rolleyes:

I know a medic who was making a run to a Level 1 Trauma Center with a cardiac arrest. When he called the hospital on the radio and advised them he was coming in with a Code Blue (cardiac arrest), IVs established, meds on board, etc. The nurse on the other end said, "10-4. Can you advise vitals?"

The medic, in a stunned and sarcastic voice, responded, "Pulse zero, respirations zero, BP zero...it's a Code!"