Ever just wonder why we even bother

[JonnytheTurk]

Just read alot of the posts about wether your faith was intact or not.....and after the last shift I had it kinda hit me when i read a few of the posts....

Over the past 2 days All i've wondered was why do we even bother trying to save lives....

Saterday nigth about 5am.....alarm goes off in station.....both engines and the ambulance....Raod traffic accident directly outside the station....

We exit to find a single car RTS...(Car V Lampost)....4 occupants.....we fend off the scene and secure the car....we get the cutting gear out and start....we find inside....the driver, Male 22, dead.....1 passenger front, 2 back....all alive, but in a bad way....I cut half the roof off and get inside the wreckage and start talkin to one of the girls....front passenger....

It took 2 crews with 3 sets of cutting gear nearly 20 minutes to cut them out of the wreakage....all passengers are spinal imobilised and I'm talking continuously to the front passenger....she's 19....Amy.....after nealry 30 mins we get her out, bring her to the Ambo and I travel with her to the hospital, we have them on standby....and then....as I'm talking to her she looks up at me and ...nothin....that was it.....

The first time in my 5 year carreer that I douthed why i wanted to do this job....its not like someone never died in front of me before...but this time i dont know why but it was different....after we got back to the fire house we find out that the car was robbed....and the driver had picked the girls up in it without telling them and brougth them for a drive.....

Just wanted to make this post and find out if anyone has ever had any similar experiences....I've talked to my crew about this and they were prity shocked..they never thought they'd hear anything like that from me....I loved the job with all my heart but now....I just dont know..

[FlyingKiwi]

Jonny

Stick with it Brother.

Find someone to talk to, fast. There should be a CIS (Critical Incident Stress) councilor or service available within your Brigade, talk to them.

Also I have no doubt that some of our British Brothers (MartinM, SteveDude) would be available for private messages etc.

The Service is not the problem, its just some of the shyte jobs you have to deal with.

Kia Kaha Brother.

[BFDNJFF]

Sad story and I hope things get better for you. Atleast the young girl was not alone and had comfort talking to you as she passed on. That may be the one thing positive in the horrible situation. You did your best and thats all you can ask for.

[laddercompany]

Sorry to hear that Jonny; things will get better, just hang in there. The most similar incident I have gone through was when we arrived to the scene of accident in which a five year old boy flew threw the window of an SUV because his parents didn't buckle him up. When I saw him on the ground, my knees dropped because I had never imagined I would see such innocence as to what I saw in that boy that night. After seeing what I saw that night, I told myself, I don't want to do this, why am I doing this. When a family member of the boy showed up, she was so devastated, she was screaming and crying and yelling because she didn't know why we weren't there to prevent this from happening. She was furious, she ran to us and we were trying to hold her down, but the thought of seein her grandson was devastating. As she was doing this, and the paramedics were trying to revive him, I went to the back of the truck, dropped to my knees, and cried. The Captain saw me, asked me what I was doing, I got up and asked him, why am I here? He's just a boy...I don't know how to live with this. He looked at me and said, you've already lived through it, there's more to being firefighter than fighting fires, there's more to being an EMT than responding to tragic accidents than this, it's not that you don't want to be here, you won't allow yourself be here.

And Jonny, I have a feeling you still love the job more than ever. And I'm sorry to hear that, and I know things will get so much better for you.

[kevmar28]

Why, do you ask? Because had you not been there, she could have died all alone, surrounded by broken metal and bodies. Because soon, you will have another call, and someone else will need you. It is the nature of our job. It is loveless, it is thankless, and it can be pretty f***ing cruel sometimes. But believe me, somewhere out there, someone is alive and kicking, and thanking God that you came into their lives to allow them to be here a little longer.

[MalahatTwo7]

As Kevmar says, someone out there is alive and saying thank you. A couple of weeks ago, in one of our EMT classes, we had visitors from Fairfax Co Hospital - REBUILD group. These are folks who have been through traumatic events such as MVIs, that gather to talk about their experiences, both of the incident and of the surgeries, etc that followed.

Each one gave a brief account of what happened, and in particular the "Face" that helped them get out of the particular situation. Not all know or could remember the name of the first responder from the attending fire department, but each and everyone are grateful to this day for the job we do. Even though none of my class was not in attendance to any of their events, they still expressed their gratitude to each of us and by proxy to everyone here on the boards who do the job to the best of ability.

[JonnytheTurk]

Thanks for the kind words of support lads...its much appriciated...I think everyone at some stage who works as either a firefigther or EMT hits a mental brick wall....and at that stage its either do or die....you can either overcome the incident or walk away....

With support from my crew and family, and the kind words on this forum I have to say i overcame it....

I had to remind myself that its a job that someone has to do and without us who whould be there....I reminded myself of every call i go on when u arrive at the scene and no matter how bad the situation is, that when u pull up sirens on and ligths flashing, the look of releif on the faces of people when they finaly know that someone is there to help them...

I also went to the funeral of the girl in the RTA, and met her family, it was good to put a close to the incident and speaking to her family made it a whole lot easyer, hearing wht the girl was like and talking about what she was like...

I'd like to thank everyone who replied to this post, much appriciated and I'm proud to call you all BROTHERS !

FlyingKiwi
BFDNJFF
laddercompany
kevmar28
MalahatTwo7

[Resq1scnd2none]

I have to say its great to see how we all support one another when it comes to doing our "jobs". Fulltime/"Professional"--POC--Vollie--blah blah blah..its all the same, fire is fire, death is death.

There is no other job in the world, where we all know where the other is coming from. (Police is close but, I'd say NYPD deals with more than small town USA.)

Anyway, I read the postings daily, and while there are a few "trolls" spreading ahte and discontent, the majority of people hear really care about us/you/them, no matter where you are from.

I am so glad to be a part of the brotherhood!

Resq1

[CaptainGonzo]

My Brother Turk...

We have all been there, done that...

I did cpr on a close family friend, who died.

I had a sids case at a condo complex right across the street from the firehouse.. that one I think hit me the hardest.. a six month old little girl.

I have been to my share of fatal house fires... the ones involving kids are the worst.

Take comfort in knowing you did your best, and that there are situations that are way beyond your control.

My Department has CISD counselors available, and talking to them helps tremendously.

[RoughRider]

Hang in there Jonny,

I echo the thoughts and sentiments of my fellow brothers. You did your best; the rest is out of your hands.

RR

[MOTOWN88]

Brother, when she passed its sounds as if she passed calm, and in the company of a person who was showing sincere care for her and a calming voice.

She could have passed scared and alone instead she spent her remaining time being cared for by a compassionate person.

[JonnytheTurk]

Again thanks for the kind words lads....realy appriciate it....maybe if this thread keeps going other people who have gone through it can come and clear there head..

Again thanks lads for all the support

Resq1scnd2none
CaptainGonzo
RoughRider
MOTOWN88

And remember nothin releaves stress more than a cold cool pint of Guinness ;)

[kevmar28]

[/QUOTE]

And remember nothin releaves stress more than a cold cool pint of Guinness ;)[/QUOTE]
Ahhhh, a man after my own heart. Some of my friends ask me how I can drink that stuff, and my reply is always the same: "Easy, one pint at a time!"

[JonnytheTurk]

kevmar28, haha, I have to remember that one....good one !

[superchef]

Jonny
I echo Motown's words. She did not pass alone and scared but with a warm compassionate man who gave her comfort in her last minutes. Thank you for being there.

Chocolate is a good accompaniment to a pint or two of Guinness and also has been scientifically proven to relieve stress. Should I air-freght you some chocolate guinness brownies?

cheffie

[NCfire]

very well put motown. i had went to a similar mva. it will stay with you for a long time. talking to your fellow firefighters and time will ease the pain. hang in there brother.

chef...those brownies sound fantastic. can you share this wonderful recipe with us??!!??

[DonSmithnotTMD]

I haven't had to do this yet -- so far everybody was OK or dead. However, that brownie idea sounds good and I'm going to work on it (recipe to follow).
Turk, hang in there.
One of my FF1 instructors had an infant CPR death and he spent some time in a bottle because of it. A fifth of counseling can help sometimes, but not if it becomes a way of life.

[jmroushpfire]

hey man hang in there. remember you did your best to help her and thats all you could have done. Remember its not your emergency its theirs, your just there to try and help solve the problem. so keep your chin and be proud of the job you do. Also remember to talk to everyone you can. don't keep these feeling bottled up inside or they will eat you alive.

[JonnytheTurk]

I must admit...I didnt think the response from the site was gona help much I just wanted an outlet that i could talk about what happened without fear of getting judged...and beleave me thats what i found....

Again thanks to all who replyed....things have getten back to fair normality...if you think screaming YAAA HOOO...when your told my the officer that your going to a fully involved domestic fire....is that normal ??

Oh well...again thanks to one and all....and I'm intrigued ???

Guinness Brownies ??????

[superchef]

Grace Neill's Chocolate & Guinness Brownies

Grace Neill's is listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the oldest bar in Ireland. This is from her bar.

4 large eggs
3/4 cup superfine sugar
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped
4 ounces white chocolate, chopped
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into tablespoons
3/4 cup all purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/4 cups Guinness stout
confectioners sugar for dusting

position rack in center of oven. preheat to 375F. Butter an 8" square pan.

Combine eggs and sugar in bowl and beat till light and fluffy.

Melt chocolates and butter together. Remove from heat and beat into egg mixture.

Sift together flour and cocoa powder and beat into chocolate mixture. Whisk in Guinness.

Scrap batter into pan and bake for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick inserted into center comes out almost clean. Remove from oven and let ccol. To serve, dust with confectioners sugar and cut into squares.

[JonnytheTurk]

WOW...I'm gona have to try them out..

[ndvfdff33]

Like everyone else has said...Stick with it man...Sadly these things do happen...But you can't let it get to yah.....Keep on truckin...Use the support from your dept and whatever else you need...

[hwoods]

We have a very overworked phrase that goes something like "Been There, Done That", and I have. A lot of times over the last 48 (yeah, 48) Years. Am I immune to it by now? No, and I never will be, if I stop caring, and having feelings, it's time to hang it up. One thing that I keep in the back of my mind, and think of, when necessary, is the 8 children that I helped bring into this world. Since day one, I've been associated with an organization that provides EMS, and we see it all, start to finish. Johnny, what we go thru is the price we pay for being who we are. If we weren't the caring, compassionate type, we wouldn't be here in the first place. As the preceding posts have said, in one fashion or another, when you're with us, you're not alone. Hang in there,if you need to talk, send me a PM.

[SPFDRum]

You have done just about the toughest thing you will do one this job, and you still where able to voice your concerns here-you my brother, have crossed a very important bridge. Hang in there...

[MOTOWN88]

hwoods,

That is called hitting the nail on the head Brother, that was a great way to articulate it.